I'm 22 yo and i just feel burned out, i just feel like whenever i get stressed out, my mind blocks or i get extreme anxiety.

I spent all my summer cutting, reached below 10% BF since i had veins on my abs, but i looked skinny so i began to add more calories like 2 months ago.

I have a history of eating disorder, since i kinda have a bad relationship with food, i either go balls deep and be clean, and when i try to clean bulk, everytime i get stressed out a little, i eat...

It's not just the eating thing, i can't focus on multiple things anymore like i used to, i just get overwhelmed.

Everytime i try and go keto again, keep up with college( last year in engineering, so i really need to focus on this one ) and focus more on improving my life, i just get random fucking pessimistic thoughts, anxiety attacks...

I had my dream body, i fucked it up, now everytime i go keto i just regret my last 2 months of yo-yo dieting, i think i fucking got skinny fat.

I also let people get inside of my head, because i feel lonely a lot of the time, i have no friends because i can't seem to find anyone with the same interests as mine, nobody of my age wants to focus on self improving, i really did hold on it for a year, alone, doing my shit as good as i can, i got a lot better from the last year, but now everytime i try to continue from here on....i just feel overwhelmed, nobody is supporting me, i sometimes feel like i do something meaningfull, sometimes i don't, because if i keep my diet on check, workout on check, college on check and also read in the free time, my familly seems against me.

I think i have a lot of shit on my head, i know i can do a lot of shit, i know I CAN handle A LOT MORE SHIT, it's just that in the end, i either don't feel like i acomplish anything because i can't seem to find someone with the same mindset and i don't have SHIT for moral support, or when i get on boat again, keep my lonely road towards self acomplishment, i realize none of this shit matters, shit...i also had some times where some fucking suicide thoughts passed through my head, and i was just fucking scared about that shit, i never thought of shit like this.

Feel free to make fun of this shit, first time posting here after 1 year of TRP, it improved my life in a lot of aspects, and after 2 months of hell, i'm asking for help.

My mind is fucked, i would appreciate if someone would offer a condom so it does not get pregnant with more shit, thanks.