From what people see they may think I have it all together. I am an NCAA student athlete at a prestigious private-university in the US, I am a business major as well as having a high GPA and I consider myself to be very attractive, 6 foot tall and am fantastic with people.

But I fucking hate my life.

Every “friend” I have ever had has always proven to be the complete opposite of a friend. I feel that I have never had a real friend. All of my acquaintances and team mates treat me awful behind my back. On top of that I have been bullied all my life from all sorts of people. I have been spat on and hated on all my life.

I hate my parents. My mom is an alcoholic and one of the dumbest people I have ever met. My dad is one of the laziest men with the worst temper on the planet. Almost anytime I talk to him it ends with him screaming at me. One time in high school he picked me up from work and he was so mad he drove 70mph in a 35 zone for roughly 15 seconds because I asked him why he was an hour late to picking me up. My parents are bad jobs and make extremely little money.

I literally hate my life. I have never had a real friend and thinking about who my parents are make me cringe so hard I feel like I am going to puke. The only way that I can think positive is realizing the job I will be able to get with my degrees, as my qualifications basically guarantee a very high salary job.

I feel had countless panic attacks over the past year and it got so bad I had to call the suicide hotline for over an hour to try and calm me down.

I come to you guys because I feel like home here, but how can I stay positive? I feel that long term goals are too far for me to look forward to and I have been depressed for too long. How do you guys stay happy?