For the past several months since separating from the military, I've been torn between doing what is right based on the decisions I've made, and cutting my losses before I accumulate more. I am father of two that has been a prime example of what not to do regarding mate selection in life. I discovered TRP 3 and 1/2 months ago, and since then it has been a phase of "it's going to get worse before it gets better".

First marriage was at 20 before the military with my first child. Split only months into my first base, but since then I couldn't have asked for a more cooperative ex-spouse, despite the fact that she will never get any further than working in restaurants in her life. I won't go into detail any further on what I wish would have been the first and last experience with marriage I needed in life. Just wanted to mention this for future reference.

During the majority of the rest of my career, I actually LTR'd a plate of mine a year or so after my divorce. I spent a while on dating sites, going to bars, living a single 21 year old life as a fresh military member. Learning how to be an adult in society. Becoming a confident person, a confident man.

That LTR had just as many, if not more red flags than my first relationship. However, I'd actually learned a thing or two from my previous relationship, and remained alpha 99% of the time. I did what I wanted, was very much myself, and demanded respect and effort on her part at all times.

After several incidents, this actually tumbled into me being way too alpha and demanding of her. I truly did not care about her. Instead of using this to the advantage of both of us, I acted the way I thought a still recent divorcee sub 25 year old man should act. I did not want to get married again. I did not want to make the same mistake again. I did not want to inflict shame on myself.

We broke up. I got orders to somewhere else for a short tour. I spent the first half of the tour focusing on myself. I started lifting again heavily, got to the biggest and strongest I'd ever been. I had upped my apparel game. I started taking classes towards a future STEM degree (still wasn't sure which field, but started with a focus in math).

But why did I still feel empty? Why didn't any of this create happiness for me? I found myself visiting family at one point, and right before I was leaving to head back out of the country, I called her to see how she was doing.

The second half of my tour was basically centered around getting back together. For me, I focused on almost forcing myself to respect her for who she was, to prevent me from falling into the same apathetic mindset that was destructive to a relationship previously. I acted with guilt. Looking back, I should have never accepted that burden. I know now, I subconsciously adopted too many beta traits. I went from one extreme to the next.

We got married a year and a half ago. You can guess how it went. I went from in complete control, to entirely entering her frame. It's been that way until about 4 months ago. Some of the things I did naturally are now things I'm trying to implement deliberately, to varying degrees of success. Overall, I do think I've improved things. Perhaps becoming more knowledgeable has just given me a less hopeful, however realistic, outlook for our future.

Now, the extremely pressing information relevant to my immediate and long term future. A month into our marriage, she got pregnant, and I had my second child. I separated from the military in November, and we're at my Dad's until school starts. We've set up our finances where neither of us will have to work, but we'll be making $5,000 a month during full school months, with tuition paid in full, with medical (both military vets).

It's now 2 weeks before school starts. I'm not sure if I can truly get out of this hole I've dug for myself with her. It seems abysmal at times. I know I made my bed. I need to do what's best for my children. I can't yet confidently say that I really did fuck it up big time, again, because that would mean another child suffering for my poor decisions. My dad, natural alpha and Grandpa to my kids, says I've made my bed.

Do I lay in it and implement what I can? Or could this dynamic actually be the less honorable thing to do for my family?

The hardest thing to swallow is how close I was to enlightening myself to TRP before I decided to get married again. It was even mentioned by a close friend of mine jokingly. I didn't scoff, but it didn't stick because of a lack of emphasis or curiosity on my part.

I will suffice to say that I married this girl because I thought I was going to be in complete control of the situation. She had a really reasonable amount of resources to bring to the table herself, and in the past I was dominant. The roles have been flipped for so long now though, I often think that pushing her to the brink emotionally in the past has led to her becoming a more relentless, unforgiving person than I should have ever allowed myself to deal with.

I want to be a great man. I've shown glimpses. I did 6 years in the Air Force and learned a lot. Got many letters of recommendations and people that can vouch for me as a person. I'm an aspiring CS student, and planning on attending a top 10 university. I have a 4.0 through trig so far.

But the pressure of a second pivotal relationship mistake has seemed insurmountable. My partner doesn't benefit my life currently. She attempts to supersede me at many turns. I've lost a lot of respect, and I understand why. I would be happiest if I could make things work the way they should. The desirable family dynamic would make me happy. Even with this person, but I have come to terms with the fact that I absolutely did not pick someone optimal. Everyone on this board who is a proper man regarding a healthy vetting process might tell me to cut ties immediately. Fair enough.

Me and my wife are planning on getting our own place next month. Perhaps the wise contributors to this board can lend some insight in how they would proceed if they were me.