I'm in the unfortunate state of realizing I have a pretty bad case of oneitis. I'm coming on here looking for advice. I've read through a number of posts regarding Oneitis as well as the typical advice, but it doesn't always work given the current situation I'm in and the close proximity.

 

Background

A year ago (last October) I(27) met a woman(32) who ended up moving into the apartment above me. During that time, I had a rotation of girls, I was having my fun and recently started a new job. It was during this period that I thought she was cute, hit it off with her and soon found myself staying nights with her up in her place. I found myself really liking her - I had been triple-digit girls and I had never known myself to get hung up on anyone in particular. However here comes a woman, bit older than me, has her shit together regarding her career, well-traveled, good looking, health-conscious, and a pretty decent gym buddy.

 

The proximity didn't help things, it was too easy for me to just go upstairs and see her. The mentality for us mutually became: Why bother sending a text asking how someone's day was, or good night, or whatever when we literally could walk up/down the stairs faster than it would take to send the text. Needless to say that roughly 1 year feels a lot longer with this girl since it was practically living together.

 

We go strong for a few months - probably til February 2019. It's here that she asked to split what was largely a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at this point. She claimed that she just got out of a 4-year relationship when she met me, I was saying the right things, got in the door, yada yada. Yet she had only stopped talking to her ex a couple of months prior and she needed space to find herself. During that time I admittedly stopped with the rotation of girls. Probably a mistake in hindsight, but this girl living above me I enjoyed spending time with her outside of some sheets, and again the proximity just made it overly convenient.

 

Naturally - I assumed the translation of that was "I want to fuck other dudes" as I've found typical breaks to translate to. However, it didn't. I tried to go on and just do my thing. But the proximity had us back together and playing around upstairs within a couple of weeks. Although admittedly sex was happening less - which I was cool with at the time. I still had a couple of other girls I kept around and could get sex elsewhere, but I enjoyed this girl's company.

 

Unfortunately shortly after February the company I was working for closed down and I was suddenly unemployed. Couple that with some family stuff. I had the perfect storm of whether it be a vulnerability in my life or just a general lack of stability. I think it's at this point that at least part of the mental attraction just died. Just a general sense of my life not being together for her, and her having the proximity to see that keenly. She effectively was straight up enough to tell me that much, and that at her age she wants something more stable.

 

Fast Forward gradually over the course of the year thus far the sex tapered off - but we still end up seeing one another damn near daily - intentionally or unintentionally mind you. I'm steadily rebuilding the rotation of girls that I previously had that on a physical level are fun but unfortunately, on a mental level haven't really compared. She tells me she is going to start dating other men, and while she likes me she can't wait for me to essentially become more stable.

 

I've been since just trying to do my thing and focus on myself - but now the problem is that I see her all the time. And if we see each other there is chemistry and attraction there. I know it even if I try to dodge it myself. She has openly admitted it - and that it's hard for her. We are at this stage where I know I foolishly have developed strong feelings for her that I can't shake, and she has feelings there as well. However, she doesn't want to commit to dating or even going back to a point where it was more casual/hooking up despite the attraction - which I think she knows will lead down a slippery slope to us being in the same sort of dating situation as prior.

 

So now with that backstory essentially out of the way, I'd love some advice.

 

Questions I have specifically

What do you do when the suggestion of get more girls to forget about the oneitis doesn't work?

 

I don't even do social media. What do you do when the concept of "delete facebook" type of no contact is impossible. Like I understand the idea is so you aren't just checking up on what they are doing with their life. But like my parking spot is next to her in the garage and I won't even lie with this oneitis it sucks seeing it gone at midnight on a Saturday night. While she can be doing anything, I'd be lying if I said my mind didn't wander through toxic scenarios.

 

I'm trying to get back into the gym and working around an injury. Working on my body. Yet even when I purposefully try to avoid her. I run into her. If I go to the gym at a different time? She's there in the squat rack in front of me. If I try to pick up distance running? I bump into her walking her dog. If I try to specifically run a completely opposite path of her typical dog walking trail - like Murphy's Law I bump into her.

 

So what do you do when the proximity is something that can't be avoided. I want either this to work out between us or for her to seriously be gone and have no emotional pull on my life. Yet every time I try to take a step away, her presence and whatever chemistry we still have makes it difficult.

 

It would be easier if I could simply just ghost her or try to go full no contact, but I can't for the above-mentioned reasons. I've never been someone to ask for help and I want to believe that while I know I made some mistakes along the way here with this: Don't shit where you eat, don't commit until you vet for a long time, don't stop having abundance, etc.

 

I also think I have tried to fix those issues - particularly the abundance and working on myself. But damn am I struggling with the proximity and the inability to truly get her out of my life when I can see this isn't going in a direction I at least want it to go in - while I still have feelings for her.

 

So I am seriously asking for any advice. I am not the type of guy to come on here and ask for it and then not try to apply it. I've read through a number of getting over oneitis posts and the thing that I keep finding myself struggling with is the proximity and the fact that I know damn near every facet of this woman's life - and as consequence also know when the routine is broken for things like potential dates with other men or something which is frankly starting to get to me. Thanks for anyone that read through this and chose to help.

 

TLDR: A case of Oneitis that got pretty bad due to the proximity of being direct neighbors. Now that things have cooled off, I'm struggling to kill Oneitis with the typical Oneitis-killing suggestions due to this proximity and seeking advice for those more adept than me in this game.