So this is probably gonna be a long post as I'm about to write a lot of stuff bothering me.No matter how hard I try I can't live my life the way I want to and I'm constantly procrastinating.

When I was really younger (6-12 years old)I was a really charismatic kid being the smartest in my school,managing to get the highest grades in class and even national level excellence.I was reading a book a week and my essays were read out loud in class everytime as an example for the other students.However as years passed and I got to high school I started becoming average because I never actually studied hard.I would play video games all day being really good at them and I would study 1 hour maximum.Considering my small effort I did pretty good and I managed to start studying math at the university I always wanted. The real problem begins now.My first year at the university was a complete disaste.Ιt'not mandatory to attend all the lessons so I never attended any of them.All I did was getting high with my new group of friends ,going out a lot,eating junk food and watching movies.To be honest I had a great time and I was kinda ok making my priority having fun.My lifestyle led to a failure at my exams and me lying to my mother about my progress.

So the second year starts and I decide to get my shit together and start going to class and working out.I pay a 1month membership to the gym that is right next to my house so I dont have any excuse not to go.Everything is going as I want to.I stopped drinking alcohol and only smoked weed once the whole month.I didnt miss a single lesson and I was going to gym 6 times a week.But then magic happened.I seriously have no idea why or how ,but I started losing lessons,sleeping till noon,being lazy and not going to the gym,ordering junk food again and not studying.Met a new guy that is alpha as fuck(typical chad) and started hanging out with him and some other guys due to our common interest in music and weed.Started smoking almost every day.Didn't see a reason not to ,since everyday I tried to get my shit together and convince myself to be productive but I couldn't .I am also masturbating daily which is a habit I am trying to stop since high school(since finding trp).

I don't know what I am expecting posting this here.It's 5 am and I am feeling pretty shitty so I just wanted to get those things out of my chest.Telling me to stop being a pussy and get out of my comfort zone won't motivate me or help me become disciplined and is a waste of time whatsoever.I am just looking for someone that can probably relate and share some insinght.