I'm gonna rant for a bit, again.

But please help because I'm scared failing at life, (becoming a penniless kissless virgin with no friends) may actually be something that could happen to me, for all my life I've believed the blue pill dream that everything will be alright in the end, and now I'm finally realising the direction I'm really headed.

Now for the rant:

Apathy is fucking shite, and it scares me. Because when i could blame my problems on not knowing what to do, I could distance myself from my problems, and hamster my way out of uncomfortable thoughts. But now i know what to do, (from reading the sidebar, top posts, other blogs, people's great replies to my last rant, books...), Suddenly there's no excuse not to improve. There is nothing stopping me

Then it kicks in. Apathy. I know what to do and why I should do it, but for some fucking reason I don't do it. I'm a lazy apathetic sack of shit and I know it. But I guess a tiny part of me cares somewhat, and is making me post this: I feel broken.

I may have worked hard on my body, and sculpted something to be proud of, but mentally I'm a mess. People tell me that if I had game, I'd be slaying. But game isn't all I'm lacking, and slaying isn't all I want

what I'm lacking is social skills, a social life, experience, motivation, a pair of fucking balls and discipline.

What I want is simple: I want validation, just once in my fucking life I would like someone to care for me, someone to like me for who I am, someone to notice me, to not ignore me. I want attention. I want validation. These may seem like the ramblings of a spoilt brat, but for someone who's been constantly isolated, ignored, unloved... And never got to experience even a small amount of these things, it is simply me wanting to be fucking normal. A whole life of failure, regret, isolation, loneliness, fear, ect... Realy fucks you up.

And subconsciously I still deny it, its only when I consciously think about my situation that I begin to see it rationally. I guess the pain is so bad that my mind tries to hide it away in the back of my head.

I don't even know what I want to ask you guys, maby this rant is just my subconscious begging for attention. I just want help. Please.

Be harsh with me, tell me exactly what I need to hear, I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I FUCKING want to change sooooo bad. So just let rip. By next year I want to be posting a field report. I want this to be my last askTRP post. From now on shits guna have to start getting real.