Body: April 2016 I swallowed the pill I was 17 overweight and ridiculously anti social in high school, after months and months of gym, I have gained quite a muscular physique from other people repeatedly telling me. Improved my grades to the point I’m top of my classes and my part time jobs allow me to be independent from my parents and rely on myself. December 29th 2016 I’m 18 now and have made quite the improvement, however I have an identity crisis. Whenever I walk into a party people see me physique and my confident posture, they expect my to talk to be sociable and be a ladies man, but in reality I’m still that overweight kid at 17 putting women on a pedestal. These expectations are revealed as I made friends with this guy 2 years older than me at a party told me how he expected me to be alpha as fuck. These expectations make me feel as If impersonating a Red Pill guy whilst my mind is still blue pill, you could say I’m stuck in the Blue pill comfort zone and it causes me anxiety that I can’t fulfil my potential.

I’m good looking have a fit physique, on top of my classes and independent, however I realised I don’t have the social skills to back me. Every time I’m out I talk as if I’m your typical Joe who smokes weed, drinks and sits at home everyday, because I’ve suppressed my sexuality, my thoughts and conform to fear of rejection. On the other hand outside of my hard work for lifting and my preparation for college, I hang out with mediocre people and do mediocre things, thank God for my 2 friends for saving me from my boring friends.

Last weekend two of my childhood friends I knew since I was 4 who have pretty Red pill views took me out to go clubbing, we smoked weed before going out and he made me dance and talk to girls in the club, i felt as if I was playing a Role of being a bad ass guy. Letting my body move and speaking without filter felt as if I burden was being lifted off of me, I had so much fun and became social and finally achieved the expectations people see of me. My friends all went home with girls and I managed to get a blow job, small victory but I didn’t even expect to talk to a girl.

But the problem is next day I couldn’t really achieve the same feets due to me being in an identity crisis, am I blue pill or am I Redpill as I was yesterday. What i was feeling could on be described as an Impostor syndrome. So my goal right now is to become social step by step and try to fit into these big shoes that I slipped into in the weekend.

How do I become more Red Pill mentally?