19yo caucasian 5'11" 145lb as of last workout: 115 bench 165 squat 240 dl all 5x5, working out at least 4 days/week on sl5x5

I wrote up some long shit but nobody wants to read that.

In short, trp has been good to me. I'm working on transforming from a soyboy caterpillar to a beautiful Chad. I'm going out weekly, having fun, and doing whatever as I crash the party houses at my college.

However, I seemed to have more success as a beta than I am these days. Kinda. I had friends (but I wasn't respected), got more action at night, and generally was able to put people at ease and was more charismatic. I did stuff I enjoyed (coding, making conlangs, graphic design, etc), although I was frustrated I didn't have a social life. Now I'm putting myself out there and having the social life I want but it's without friends and even with some enemies.

In short, I was more genuine and I was more likable. I think I'm some combination of tryhard dickhead that's off-putting to people I used to know. I wouldn't really care though, were it not for the fact I still can't pull at night. I've got the confidence, the outcome independence, and a strongish y'all-want-a-piece-of-this frame, but I'm just not really smooth. I'm not awkward, but I don't strike the balance of sexualizing the conversation while keeping it comfortable.

Obviously with increasing smv this'll all get easier, but I don't think I should wait. More experience isn't going to come out of nowhere.

But frankly, I feel weird in my own skin. I miss nerdy shit, I miss making people smile and be at ease, and I feel like I'm slacking on academics, which really really matters to me. I wanna fuck before I turn 20 but honestly don't know if it's worth it right now.

tl;dr: I'm doing half gomad, lifting big, and eating lots. I've gained only 10 lb in the past 3 months and most of it's lower body. I read these posts where people's lives change within a half year, but I'm not feeling it.

Am I missing something?