A little background before I get into the details -

When I was a kid, I'd be that one kid who was a faggot in every way and form. I was fat, I was sensitive, I was very gentle with people and I'd read a book over playing outside anytime. And yes, I was bullied.

It was mostly verbal, and it eventually became physical. I didn't fight back until the fourth grade, where I got jumped during break hour and I hit someone in the face with a shoe. I was mostly left alone after that, but I still took verbal shots.

High school? Same story. At this point, I'm this big tall kid - and this time I was a bit more aggressive, and I actually ended up getting in trouble a few times. Mind you, I was still shy and timid and REALLY uncomfortable in my own skin, but I wanted to be left alone.

To lose weight (and for general fitness), I started working out in a home gym I put together around November of 2018. That lasted until August of last year, where my home gym was pulled apart by my parents to continue the construction of out house (that's been under construction for five years now.)

When someone gets in my face and actively aggravates me, it triggers something in me. I get very tingly and shaky, and I find myself unable to speak coherently. I want to beat someone till they can't stand. I'm getting excited just writing about it, I want to ruin and dominate someone. I want to kill, i suppose that's the truth. I want to beat someone bloody.

I've been doing Muay Thai since October of last year, but the gym is currently shut down and I have no way to train at home because my gym's gone and construction is halted.

But godamn, I want to hurt someone. I want to make someone bleed, I want to break someone to the point where they can't stand. I want to kill the faggots who fucked with me in school, to tear them apart and fucking decimate them on every level and spit on their graves.

I want to hurt people so fucking bad. And I'm not worried or anything, I need advice on how to use those urges to get what I want.

I usually feel nothing, but when I'm typing this I feel a great sense of happiness and glee. What wouldn't I give to have a pedophile locked in a room with tools and knives and guns and chemicals. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Maybe the military is a good choice for me? Thoughts, my fellow Red Pill brothers?