Both 20 in the same university course. We dated for about 7/8 months a few months ago. It was toxic as hell with lots of fighting and ups and downs. It culminated in me actually losing my head while drunk and slapping her in the face and then she left. I begged for her back to no avail. We would frequently sleep together and I was truly heartbroken by her as she refused to come back. She is a very pretty, smart girl. A knockout. She is very idealistic when you first meet her. She is motherly and kind and very innocent and pretty looking. She is thought of as the hottest girl in my 150ish uni course.

She took me back two months ago after a 4 month break. I had stopped pursuing her and she came back crying and we started dating again. It was great and I fell incredibly in love with her. it’s better this time i’ve been lifting and it’s usually good. However, I found out she’d slept with three other guys in our time apart putting her total at 8 guys. The kicker is that one of the guys is also in our course and she and him were together for a week or two before she left him to go back to me.

I feel like I’ve got a worse version of her this time. Like she’s been ruined and truthfully i’m very upset about her n-count and how many boys she’s been with. Yet i can’t bring it up. I was with girls too. I also am upset and feel like I’m going out with a slut sometimes but then other times I feel I’m overreacting and I did sort of deserve it by slapping her. I feel i can’t give myself to her because she’s been tainted by her having sex while we were broken up. but how could i expect her not to? I teeter between ending it and accepting it.

There are other factors that push me to breakup such as her being incredibly crazy sometimes, childish and dramatic but then I think all girls are. I often too fantasize about being free to be single as I had a blast when I was single. But i remember the pain of being without her when we were broken up and I don’t know if i’m just not seeing the good I have. Mainly it’s her n count and having to parade around a girl who’s been with three other guys in the course (1 slept together, 2 just kissed). I am tempted too to just sleep with her for a while and see how it goes and not end it or fully accept it. I am confused. I know you’ll say don’t shit where you eat but I already have. And I know you may say don’t go back to an ex but I only discovered this sub after already going back to her so I already have.

any advice would be appreciated.