Dear RPers,
I have to make an important decision within the next months and I have some trouble making up my mind.
Do I want to rejoin the army? Should I follow my heart or my head? I'm approaching the age limit so it's now or never.

Quick backstory:
I always wanted to become a soldier when I was younger. I finished high school and enlisted. While I was there, I fell in love with a girl, got bad oneitis. I committed to her, made her my priority over the army, and we all know what happens when we do that. Shit got bad and I started to blame the army for my shitty situation. I was counting the hours till I could get out of the uniform and back home. I started abusing drugs and spiraled in depression when I got out. I figured I needed a change after some years without getting better, so I started lifting.

A lifting forum is what led me here, and I learned what actually happened with the oneitis deal. I'm finally getting over it, much thanks to you guys, and I've stopped abusing drugs. I've been working full time since leaving the army, but I'm starting to feel ready for a change. So I was thinking of going back to school and getting an education. Then it started creeping up on me, I could get an education in the army. War and weapons are two of my top three interests, I keep getting leadership positions at work without the grand salary, due to me not having an education.
I want to go to school, and the army offers great educations and I loved wearing the uniform.

I feel like an absolute hypocrite for considering rejoining. I've talked so much trash about the army system, how it's terribly dangerous for anyone to put their life in the hands of the army, how the leadership and decision makers there suck and put soldiers lives in unnecessary danger constantly, the list goes on. Yet I feel like I belong there in my heart. My head tells me it's really stupid to go back and that I will not find any happiness there. Now that I work out so much any way, it kind of changes the game IMO. I'm never quitting lifting, and in the army that is part of the work.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to make up my mind? I've never tried psychedelics, but I'm considering going some place it's legal just to try to get a different perspective or whatever, to help me make this choice. Do you guys think some shrooms could help me make up my mind?

Any criticism, comments, thoughts etc. are welcome.

Thanks, friends