M/20/140lbs/5’7 Hey guys. Throw away. But. I need some guidance. I think I might be going down the wrong road. Let’s see. I’m active duty in the military in a job I love, with plans to advance. I workout twice a day, for the military, and for a fighting career I am chasing after work. So 10 times a week. Once in the morning and once after work. With this schedule, my day is pretty much consumed with a morning workout for the military, work, after work nap, and fight training after. Which I’m usually lights out by the time I get home at 8. I haven’t had a girlfriend in 5 years, and I really just cant squeeze time for one in during the week. I’m fit, I like how I look, I’m competitive as hell, no real relationship with my family (jehovahs witnesses, got shunned when I joined ) The weekends, I don’t know what comes over me but I fill it with blow and drinking, trying to find the closest girl and the fun times. I’m into monitoring my heart rate, and I do listen to my body. Notes and such on how I feel , patterns , especially with everything I’m doing to it lol. I just, I don’t know. Something is still missing. I guess it’s two different lives. And neither cross; I’m very good about that. Keeping up appearances at work and such. Being mindful. I just , don’t know. I get lonely a lot. And fill the gaps and loneliness with intense exercise and such. I obviously know when you add drugs into the mix, you complicate emotions and such, make things more difficult to dissect with feelings and come ups and come downs....anybody have any advice for a struggling kid? I make friends well enough, I used to work at a car dealership before I was in, helped me learn to chameleon in social situations, but I wouldn’t have anybody I would call my “ close friend, best friend” I’ve pretty much gotten all my life advice from all the people I’ve met in my life , and I have met a lot of people. I pull things from people I admire, and sort it out to use it myself. Most of my “friends “ are much older. In and out of the service. 28-34. And I take things from them to use myself. In place of a father figure. (Got kicked out when I was 16. Been on my own since. ) I was obviously forced to grow up quick, and iv been told I’m mature for my age. (Not bragging, I’m really actually not proud of it. It feels wrong to be this critical of my life this early. But iv been told it. So. There. ) I guess I’m looking to hear different opinions and views , preferably from people older than me. And people who have made mistakes. And regrets. Thank you.