"The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. Precious few men ever truly allow themselves to be alone and learn real independence and self-reliance." -Rollo

Excluding lifting/hiking/exercise/meditation(recently), I don't have hobbies that I feel passionate about and the value I see/feel for myself fluctuates day-to-day on the low end of the spectrum. I do fine in classes, and these classes are moving me towards my goal(s), slowly but surely. I don't see much of my old circle because I've seen enough evidence that they're crabs, save for one I secretly suspect also swallowed the red pill based off his own transformation the last few years. I thought for the longest time I was comfortable being alone but realized that in fact, I was only supplanting my need for social interaction via online mediums. All this shit adds to a massive hidden negative to my SMV (hidden in that it only becomes apparent through it's inevitable bleed-thru into my interactions with women I meet).

I've seen a lot of information that suggests spending a period of time building yourself before really venturing out into the dating world is the proper way to internalize RP. And frankly in my heart I know this to be true and I know this is what I need. But I also read this:

"Put what you learn into practice"/"Internalize"

"Game is a muscle, use it or lose it"

And fucking A I know this in my heart to be true too, from experience.

I get IOI's now. Not ton's, but a fair amount and they're from attractive women (HB 7 - 8). I dress well in my own style/have great posture, I'm phenomenal at ice-breaking and only have approach anxiety on cold approaches (and on good days not even that) and... that's it. Introductions are easy and the rest is a mixture of very early to mid game fumbles. I either succumb to one-itis, or I'm unable to calm my balls and wait things out to at least fake the appearance I have abundance. I can trace pretty much all my fumbles to scarcity mentality.

I have scarcity mentality because I am not spinning plates, but I am not spinning plates because I have scarcity mentality. I know this ties back to the beginning because my time is not occupied & I'm genuinely not busy enough. I want to put what I learn into practice as I learn it or it'll slip through the cracks. Knowing is half the battle, putting it into action is the key to victory.

I can't remember the exact quote from Rollo's blog, but it basically says "A woman should never be a man's mission, they're a byproduct of the mission". I know I need to build much more for myself, to be satisfied with myself in order to see my own value and internalize I am the prize. But I also know I need to be putting into practice what I am learning now, including what I learn about game from browsing these forums, reading the sidebar, and (a)frustrating(c) trial and error. Because if I don't, i'll lose it.

Plainly idk wtf I should be doing, and seek wisdom