Tldr: i get attention from girls but struggle to escalate. Might be my weird personality or my lack of hair.

I came to the red pill after my most recent breakup with my first real girlfriend. I was looking for answers why she left me and now things make a lot more sense.

I was kind of red pilled before i met her. Did monk mode for half a year. Currently lifting for about 5 years on off, strong on selfimprovement. Nofap, meditation cold showers all of that stuff.

I did kind of good with girls since kindergarden. No problems with getting dates at all througout my whole life. Problem was is was totally blue pilled. I was always scared to speak up and do what i want, to go for the kiss etc.

Looking back in my life i missed soooo many opportunities to get with girls. To be honest it annoys me and i want to make up for it.

A few months ago i had to shave my head because my hair was getting thin. I was thinking about it constantly so i had to do it and it feels good. I still look kind of good. I get a lot of compliments. I have the right face and head for it. A strong jawline and a good body. Other guys are opening up about their fears in terms of hairloss. Good friends telling me they were considering about shaving their head because of me. Nothing but positive feedback.

Theres a picture in my post history feel free to check it out.

I am more of an introvert. Social stuff is mostly exhausting for me. I try to analyse everything. I read peoples body language like a book. But i force myself to be more extroverted. Ive trained myself and i do quite good.

I get told often that it seems that i am kind of a “player” but i am not. I know i have something special. I get respected. On parties i can be the highlight ( íf im in the mood). I make easily party buddies. People think im pretty cool. Still i doubt myself a lot. Im somehow awkward. I love to make jokes. I love being weird, being myself.

Problem is that i somehow fuck up with girls. I get attention. I can easily walk up to a girl and talk to her. I just struggle so bad to escalate. Like, do i just escalate? Do girls expect me to escalate because everybody thinks im a player? Do they think im a pussy and lose interest when i dont instantly go for the kiss? Like i know that i should go for what i want. BUT DO I JUST GO FOR WHAT I WANT?!?! I dont want to be perceived as some weirdo rapist. I know that back then with my fuckboy hair i sometimes simply went to some girl and made out with her but now… i dont know… maybe this hair thing is something thats bothers me. Or my fucked up ego and insecurities because my ex left me.

I just want to do good at university to get a good job someday, experience good parties with my friends, go to the gym and have fun with girls.

I have a therapist since she left me. Had a lot going on in my life. Suggestions for things i should talk about with him are appreciated.