i develop a very unique set of obsessions and intrusive thoughts when it comes to women.

my most severe cases are always women i’m actively sleeping with. i’m able to bottle up these feelings perfectly, and never do i ever act on these feelings, nor do i ever display any sort of neediness or over investment. this doesn’t tackle the issue though, basically whoever i’m fucking runs through my mind all day, every day. it gets really bad (pretty much depression) with the more attractive and “special” women. you don’t need to hear the cringe details. tons of bp conditioning. imagine how a fat piece of shit incel would feel if he was dating a dime. his internal world would revolve around her and if she left it would crumble. those are basically my emotions and thoughts. i imagine this is also how a bpd girlfriend would feel towards her man. once again, i never ever act on these feelings, my bitches think i literally don’t give a shit about them.

i have a mission, i even have my life goals and passions set out and i know what i have to do on a daily basis. but women just throw me off and slow me way down. even if i was able to counteract this, and re neutralize my productivity, the thoughts never leave. i’m only 19 so i suspect this is due to some sort of subconscious scarcity mentality, and as i get older, women will become less valuable to me. i was just hoping someone would guide me in the right direction by recommending a book or something, i’ve torn trp apart and found very few resources that have helped.