Well, I don't know much about red pill, but let me lead you down this shit hole with me.

I've always been against "Toxic masculinity". I had a shit upbringing,was a bean pole growing up at 6'1 140lbs out of high school. I went to college and used weight training for an outlier and within 3 years, I was up to 200lbs.

Graduated, within 2 years I climbed to the top 1% of a female dominated field (nursing, 94% women) This was 7 years ago. I continued lifting and ascending/expanding in my career to the best of the state that I live in.

Got up to 220lbs with low body fat athletic physique. leading up to all of this, I had always been open with my emotions. I was married for 7 years, realized it was a bad fit and got divorced. All the time, I had suitors which I attributed to being the rare commodity in my field. They'd chase a janitor if he was barely above ugly.

I eventually found a co-worker that matched me really well. She seemed obsessed with me, and I finally felt like I connected with someone. We ended up having two children together, but things drastically changed last February. I ended up doing a cycle that pushed me to 243 lbs and I attempted to read lift a new PR. I've always had great form, but my weathered belt and new found weight was too much. My belt snapped causing too much kinetic energy into my back. I received several fractured vertabrae , ruptured two disc, and compressed several others. I was the bread winner for my family, I supported my parents, ex wive with our two children, current wife and two children, and helped out my close group of friends often. I continued working and self medicating.

Eventually, I ended up in legal problems due to self medicating which forced me out of my field. Since then, all of my relationships have changed, most notably, my current wife.

It's been about 6 months since I've stepped away and went from being everyone's rock to being dependent on my wife. She was able to start working full time in the same field and ensure we were able to continue. I've very grateful for her contribution.

My issue is, I've never in my entire life held anything above anyone. I've never weighed people on what they can contribute, but only on how they treat me. I had the cheesy we can be poor together and still love each other the same mentality. I've gotten some what out of shape. I'm still 220, but my 6% body fat has hit nearly 20%. I'm not able to work till next may.

Since then, my wife has gone from always wanting to touch me, daily or more sex, and bragging to her friends about me. I found out she has been talking a lot of petty shit to her friends about me. Ive tried to be vocal about how that shit makes me feel, yadda yadda. Let's go to a therapist. blah, blah,bla. In retrospect, it seems everyone valued my worth with my masculanity and ability to make money. I've started questioning everything that I've accomplished in the last decade.

I've touched a bit on redpill, and I'm curious where to begin. I was a bull to several relationships between marriages, and I never attributed it to what it was. I assumed it was because I was kind, smart, funny, and all that dumbshit. Not that I was successful, in shape, and had a dick.