I have a bad habit of building up a girl in my mind (girls I have had sex with) into these things where I think of them all the time, how cool their life is etc.

This most recent one she works in emergency medicine and I think about how cool/heroic she is, yet when we hooked up it was fun and all but I felt depressed.

I still liked the dream more than the girl. Even now, I feel like in my brain there is real life girl who is ok, then dream girl who I lust after.