I'm really fucked guys. I'm a prisoner of my own mind. I thought I'm finally over it, but I'm not.

It's about my first girlfriend. Somehow, no matter how much time passes, she reappears in my mind.
It's already been 2 years since we broke up, I had other girlfriends, I made new memories. Nothing worked. I find myself thinking about her again.
The funniest thing is she's a 4/10 at best. We're not even good-looking as a couple, as I'm 6'5 and she's 5'2.
I remember I had a great bond with her because we were both depressed at the time we met. She was never contacting me, but she was very happy and engaging when I was contacting her. She was the first to share some of my beliefs, and the first to listen to my edgy thoughts. I had that "I must save her" mentality during the whole relationship.

I know I can't go back to her. If I enter her depressed world again I will never be able to improve and become the man I want to become. I don't even want to imagine how many suicidical texts I will get if I take her virginity (yes, she never had sex, after all she's a 4/10 and doesn't talk to many guys) then leave her.

I always tell myself this is the truth hoping I will finally fucking reprogram myself.

I know how this sounds, and I know I can't be considered even a beta. I hope you can help me.