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[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Translation:
"Dear Ask TRP. First time, long time. I want to put a lit stick of dynamite up my ass. I know I shouldn't, but I really want to. Is there a safe way to do it? Asking for a friend"
Answer: "No, do not put a lit stick of dynamite up your ass. Or you're friend's ass."
[–]2SirKolbath2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You should also get joint bank accounts.
[–]Il128 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Add her to the mortgage and car titles? Pretty sure that kind of commitment will fix everything.
[–]2SirKolbath2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
And have at least one, if not three kids.
That's a really good idea! She'd never lie or cheat if kids were involved!
[–]2SirKolbath1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Ooh, and get really flabby so she feels comfortable with her own body. It will help with her self image.
I could eat a gallon of ice cream every night and stop working out! Great idea! What like 30-40 pounds of fat? Would that be enough to make her feel comfy?
[–]2SirKolbath1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Better try for fifty. That way, if you fall short and only get forty, you'll still be doing well.
[–]ScottDurden 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, get married too & have multiple kids.
Should I wait until after she moves in to ask for her hand in holy matrimony?
[–]ScottDurden 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You should convince her to do anal then never call her again.
[–]FiveStarTendieDinner1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Charge her rent, get it in writing as well. Don't put her name on any paperwork other than that. Then sell her shit on Craigslist whenever she's out fucking other men.
That sounds really mean. I was planning on making her car payments and putting her on my car insurance.
I figure that'll lock her in.
[–]FiveStarTendieDinner1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Make sure she racks up DUIs too.
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[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2SirKolbath2 points3 points4 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Il128 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]2SirKolbath2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Il128 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]2SirKolbath1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Il128 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]2SirKolbath1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ScottDurden 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Il128 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]ScottDurden 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FiveStarTendieDinner1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Il128 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]FiveStarTendieDinner1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link