I’ll try to keep this short. I’m 26 and I working in a small town close to two years ago. A girl started working there at the same time as me. Small company, everyone is either family or been working together for years prior except the two of us. I didn’t think much of it as initially I didn’t find her attractive. After about 6 months we started talking more and eventually started hanging out all the time. It’s a small town with a mix of military and retired people but there’s a huge lack of single people my age so she’s really the only person I hang out with here outside of a few other people from work. Once we started hanging out I began to fall hard for her as she has a great personality and sense of humor and we have similar views on almost everything.

I became really beta and got attached. I became needy and suffocating to the point where I pissed her off. After all this I hit a hard depression. I got some help and started accepting that it was stupid to continue to pursue this girl. I left her alone and while things weren’t good they were getting better. Eventually we began talking and hanging out a lot again. Of course my feelings came back. I got drunk and did some stupid stuff after a few months and again pissed her off. I left her alone again after this.

I’ve spent the last few months in monk mode, reading, meditating and lifting. I started enjoying my alone time rather than dreading it. We talked some at work but nothing like we had before. I was getting better and things were looking up. I even hooked up with a girl that was friends with my friends wife but nothing I’d brag about.

She goes on vacation for a couple of weeks recently. She gets back and has been spending way more time in my office chatting. I’m sure I should act uninterested in her but I’m finding it hard because I do get really excited to talk to her. I know pursuing workplace relationships is very frowned upon in trp and I regret that I ever let myself get this way. I’ve seen that the best advice on oneitis is to completely cut contact. I love my job and don’t want to quit because of this so no contact is not an option. Not speaking to her has been difficult for me but I’m working on it. Now that we talk again I feel myself becoming more and more beta in my feelings. Is there any advice on how to deal with this?