What's good y'all, I've been lurking on this sub for the past month or so, and after reading the sidebar along with many of y'all's posts, it's crazy how much this sub has confirmed my beliefs in regards to women, game, and really life in general. I'm going to try and keep this short.

As a younger kid I went to a predominantly "white" upper middle-class elementary school, was diagnosed with ADHD bc I was constantly acting out in class. Besides getting on the nerves of my teachers, I was "popular" and had little to no inhibitions. Fast forward to middle school and we're all thrown into a much more culturally diverse environment (a lot of less wealthy blacks and latinos). I didn't think in these terms at the time but I was much more drawn to the way they carried themselves and started to emulate my new friends' more masculine behaviors. Sounds retarded bc it was 6th grade but I had a bunch of girls crushing on me at this time. Was probably the last time I was genuinely "happy" (although not just because of the girls). Long story short, I later started to be shamed for acting like this (the way I dressed, types of girls I started to become attracted to, music I listened to) by kids from my old school, family friends, and even family to a certain extent. I already had some insecurities but this just blew everything out of proportion and turned me into a "man" obsessed with other people's opinions about me and with relentless self-doubt. People say "just be yourself", what the fuck does that even mean? Who the fuck am I? Do you even know who the fuck you are?

I've come to realize that in order to beat this mentality you just have to not give a fuck and be *who you want to be* (which I was in the process of realizing until my toxic, beta environment shamed me out of it), and I am not only moving out of this community in a few months, but the country as a whole to the country of my ethnicity which is still a country run by men and masculinity. Obviously the moving itself isn't going to solve my problems, but my plan is to move to this country with an *actual* fresh slate and recreate myself into the man I want to be.

Just wanted to see if you all have any advice for this going forward. I've got NMMNG, WISNIFG, and The Rational Male (already read Rollo's blog and watch his podcasts) in the mail on the way, been reading Meditations.