I had a girl I had Oneitus for for many years. At the lovely advice of this sub, I went no contact, and shortly after she moved across the country. Meanwhile I got my shit together with a new body and new mindset. Years pass and I get an invite from her to come visit... I decide, probably against my better judgement, to go and see if I had made enough changes to fuck her. I did. Yay.

She caught some feels, which I still had, although a lot had faded with an improved abundance mentality. I returned to my city and we stayed in contact. Several months pass and she visits, the trip couldn't have gone better... however I notice that the wall seems to be starting to have an affect on her (we're both 30). She maybe put on 5-10 pounds, but her face still looks great, so I figure a little diet and exercise and she's fine (and she works a very physical job).

Then things really take a turn and her feels hit hard. She's still living across the country but her residency is ending and she has the choice to move back to my city. She wants me to commit but I tell her I don't do LDRs and it'll have to wait until she lives here. We have a long convo about this which she ends with "If I am gonna move there I want to know that you feel things for who I am and not just how I look," which seems to stem from her realizing she's hitting the wall and will start to struggle to look the way she does. I answered very ambiguously basically saying I won't know if her looks are a problem until we're living in the same city and seeing each other on a day to day basis, but I know they will be if she doesn't do something about it. I also told her I didn't want her to move here specifically for me, but she said that was a very large part of it.

Obviously I've buried myself in a bit of a hole here, but I feel like I need to do something. If I just let things sit, I'll either end up in a relationship with a girl I'm not attracted to, or I'll have made a girl move across the country for me just to break up with her. However, if she lost the weight, I'd be more than happy to start a relationship if she's willing to come here, but that would take telling her I need her to look a certain way, which I'm not sure how to do.

As a note, I feel hard done by because she used her looks for years to keep me around, and now once I have her I'm supposed to not care about them anymore. I just don't know how to word that without coming off as a sexist asshole who only cares about looks.