So i have never been casual with anyone until this year however I started reading TRP stuff quite sometime ago. I now am spinning two plates both with expiry dates due to being international residents who are planning on leaving in the next few months. I see one of the plates pretty much every day in normal every day interactions with friends etc and one on one. She and I have an agreement that she can decide when to come and sleep with me but i never ask her to come over (a decision/offer i made to help calm her ASD).

I have no desire to be in a relationship with her, she is not my type, but is fun to hang around with. From the beginning this was super clear but as time has gone on i am developing stronger and stronger emotions to the point that her rejection kills me and interferes with my daily life. For example if shes come over and were hanging out and having a great time but then she chooses to leave and not stay over; the next day i start to feel severely depressed for no reason. We are purely casual and i know this but my emotions are telling me otherwise. Im also starting to get feelings of intense jealousy though she is completely unaware of any of my struggles. But the thing that kills me the most is not knowing where i stand with her. When she chooses not to stay over i don’t know if its a permanent rejection or temporary and not knowing is the worst part. I know this is Beta AF.

Fellas I’m really not coping I’m getting periods of depression everyday and my anxiety is starting to sore depending on whether I’m rejected or accepted. I know this is beta AF but i don’t know what to do. Ive never felt depressed or anxious before in my life.

Id appreciate any advice to strengthen my mental state and frame. Should i soft/hard pass this girl for the sake of sanity? I feel like im missing some key idea of TRP.

Im still super green at TRP and am working my way through the side bar. Any readings you think might be useful would be welcome.