Work on yourself, be present in the moment, lift, take up hobbies, socialize, work towards to make more money etc.

I don't let go and either letting go or not letting go distrubs me. I can't really let go. I don't know what the fuck I am doing.

Can someone tell me what I should be doing for real besides the first line of this post? What should I expect in this journey regarding letting go?

Can I even let go?

If I let go,

• it means accepting that I cannot change the cards I dealt with.

• It means I might not keep hot girls after fucking them because genetics. This sucks. This is the only time I'm living and I might never keep a hot girl. In other words, not being desired. So I need to be like kim dotcom and make up for my inadequacy.

• It means I will never have the advantages of being a good looking guy.

• It means I have to spend 2 hours a day at a gym, 300 times in 2 years, in order to get the kinds of girls I want and I'm not that picky. This is actually not that bad. I already started.

• It means I am already naked in life.

• It feels like it means losing my hope.

• It feels like giving up the thought of "somehow good things would happen". But that idea worked for me in past, Secret, Jim Carrey, Antony Robbins and a bunch of very succesful people. But they worked hard, I don't.

• "You won't get anything unless you work hard for it" is not something I want to accept. I indeed worked very hard for good things I have now. But I did those because they were my passion without thinking about the quote. So if I accept the quote, it means I will really need to buckle up and sit my ass down and grind through a work field I don't particularly like. I will need to make connections. I will need to be sociable. I will need to give off positive vibe. I will need to maximize my brain functions. It is like climbing to mountain everest because I'm so far at the bottom.

• It means there is a good chance I will not get the things I have been imagining myself to get unless, I change myself from top to bottom.

• It means I got so many shit to do. And it means I might never reach there (a good girl, a good work, a good level of financial freedom). It means after putting all those hard, really hard work, I might never reach there because of my genetics. I always reached what I wanted, or I didn't want things I can't reach, or I just lied to myself about the last part.

• It means accepting I'm gonna die, and I've been wasting my life and I AM WASTING my life. I had so much opportunity to "do the opposite of wasting" (amazingly hot girls in my college days, amazing people to network, amazing advantages I had in career, just fucking truly amazing, many people would kill to be in my position, I was in an environment of top 0.1% and I had my own business and could have just taken what I wanted, girls, connections, more business... if I had the balls). I just closed my eyes and went on my way, because I wasn't fine with stepping on my ego, failures and rejections. I am still mostly wasting my life.

• Seeing I'm gonna die and the amount of wasting I've been doing freaks the shit out of me. I can't relax. I don't remember the last time I relaxed besides two meditation sessions. I'm probably in constant stress but I found a way to live with it. (I gained about 50lbs in 2 months, got strech marks, isolated myself. It happened automatically. I never conciously tought about all these. Apperantly sunconcious couldn't take it anymore. This was 3 years ago. Then I picked up cardio and lost some of it and I am okay ish now)

• It means I will continue to waste my life, I will continue to be this person who creates such posts, unless I swallow my pride, step on my ego, make an idiot of myself hundreds of times. I will die without a life, without experiencing a life, without a fucking ounce of affection or sense of self respect, unless I am perfectly okay with letting my ego gang raped every single day and unless I become ready to confront and fight with whatever is in my way instead of running away.

My subconcious is like a satan's asshole. I'm talking about amount of hamstering, cognitive dissonance, fragile ego, running from everything. I'm fucked up. Can I actually change? How do I go from minus trilion to somewhere normal? Or will I always carry the fucked up shit I've done with me as a source of motivation perhaps and it will be my greatest asset to make rest of my life worth it? But I die at the end. Well I have two other options. I think I want this one.

I've been angry at myself. That's why I look 10 years older than my age. Should I stop being angry at myself or should I use it to change myself? I give an energy sucking vibe. I should be more happy to be a part of society.