Being 30 years old, and visiting TRP for a few years, I've been thinking that I covered the basics and that my frame is strong enough to endure most of the obvious things that life and chicks can throw at me. Just the basics, enough to separate myself from the manginas and don't get into a trouble over the pussy.

Despite those few years being mostly lurker here, I've never read The Manipulated Man. It sounded too much like an incel fiction for the first two pages, and with the book being from the '70s I thought there was no need to really read it, I've got the basics covered, remember. Well, tonight I finally read it and got slapped between my ears like a little bitch I am.

The book made more and more sense as I went on, I found more and more explanations of dynamics I encountered in the wilds, regarding other people, because of course - I covered the basics. And then the bitchslap.

I was reading chapter The “Emancipated” Female:

  • On the other hand, men may well think that the husbands of emancipated women are lucky: they do not have to bear the financial responsibilities alone. The contrary is the case: the husbands of so-called emancipated women are usually extremely unhappy. After all, they have had the same basic training as other men, and so they are always trying to keep one step ahead of their wives. *

As I was fucking reading it, like I just read it second ago, my mind remembered that I am pushing my GF to managerial job in good industry instead of her current shitty job. Immediately panic mode was activated as I realized she could be making more money than me a year from now. It was fast reaction, instinctive, uncontrollable. Then it flashed to me that I had a pretty good evaluation recently and that I haven't ask for raise in a long time, and should do it ASAP. I jumped to search online for the average pay for her new job, just to be sure - it was close to mine. What if I end up earning less than her, all those high earning alpha managers flirting with her could look like a really good deal. Dread.

So I sat back to continue the reading, and there it was. The cold fucking truth was waiting for me in the very next few lines of text, exposing my conditioning, delusion about my improvement and my shame:

  • Such women, either by chance or because they are attractive enough to be protected by some man, often rise to really important positions. If his position is comparatively low, every time she gets an increase of salary it will be a traumatic experience for him. Professional recognition of her will merely put him in a panic. He lives in a constant fear that one day she will overtake him, and, on top of it, he suffers agonies of jealousy about the strange men she meets every day. He feels superfluous, and his whole existence seems pointless because she no longer seems to need him. The one true happiness of the slave – the only happiness left to manipulated man – is now denied him. *

I earn more than enough for myself - I barely spend 30% of my paycheck. Yet the moment I remembered the day may be near when I will not be dominant provider in the relationship, even if I just fucking read about it, my beta conditioning kicked in and I started grabbing for salvation options. I didn't want to go higher up the ladder because of my own ambitions, for my own sake, but for hers. To remain big in her eyes and to be useful. I answered so much questions about my own behavior, my own actions, my own day to day life when guard was down and my natural instinct kicked in, unable to lie and delude.

So lessons for bannanawolf:

  • READ THE WHOLE FUCKING SIDEBAR
  • There is a long way ahead.
  • Although 30, you are far inexperienced to be in a serious relationship.
  • Blue pill has long roots.