Back in the game

Ekonomix · 2018-09-18T09:10:12+00:00

Hey man. It’s alright we’ve all been there. I think your main issue is that when you talk to girls who you think are into you, your mind goes into a spiral. You start thinking of all the possible ways you can mess up. The best thing for you is to relax and just remember that you’re just making conversation with another person. Your brain starts to overthink things and that’s how you end up in these so-called “Awkward Moments”. I’m in the same boat as you and that’s just how it goes.

Make it a habit to small-talk with female co-workers, barbers, shop clerks, anyone really. Soon you’ll see how much more fluid and less nerve-wracking a conversation with a potential partner will be in the future.

I wish you luck on your endeavors and hope it all goes well in the future. Hope this helped!

recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-18T14:30:22+00:00

1

Basically, I was in the most serious relationship Ive ever been in for a long time

First off, the past can cast a looooong ass shadow on the present and affect your efforts to get back on the horse. As such, I have some questions so we can head some potential issues off at the pass:

How long were you with her?
How serious had it really gotten? Were you living together? More serious than that?
Who decided on the break-up and why? What was the stated reason?
Did you see it coming or was it a surprise?
Are you still friends with them now?

2

....and even tho it's been months since it ended I have only just decided to get back out there, only to find that my game is absolutely reprehensible !! I was seeing a couple girls since the break up, but nothing went too far in my opinion because I am really scrawny and almost all girls like guys with "meat on their bones".

There's nothing wrong with waiting after a break-up. Sometimes the idea of being involved with someone even casually, too soon after a break-up, can cause an almost physical feeling of revulsion. So there's no hurry.

Also, you're speaking nonsense about "almost all girls liking guys with meat on their bones." This statement doesn't make any kind of sense.

If you're scrawny with no muscle tone, this is easy enough to fix, but unless you look like a coma patient, you're not in bad shape. Being obese would be worse and harder to work with in most ways.
Some people like skinny, some don't. This whole notion of "almost all girls" liking any particular thing, is bullshit. If anything, you being scrawny is better because obese is far less attractive.
Being scrawny or not, has pretty much ZERO to do with your ability to socialize/game. But your lack of confidence, has everything to do with it.

3

That being said, I do have lots of confidence and am working out at the gym every day and trying hard to put more weight on. But I digress

Look, if you're sitting there saying that, "almost all girls like guys" who aren't you, then you have confidence issues because you have chosen to adopt a core belief that is actively antagonistic and negative towards who you are right now.

Even if you have some confidence when you wake up in the morning, that's going to be chipped away by the belief that you're just not attractive, leading to the end result that you DON'T have real confidence. Not while you choose to hold onto this limiting belief.

4

The issue I have noticed, when I go to talk to a girl, I get nervous and come up short with things to talk about and questions to ask.

You just said that you do have "lots of confidence." The first step to improvement is to acknowledge that you have little to no confidence, at least in this category. If you continue to lie to yourself, then you'll keep getting the same results.

If you're getting nervous and not knowing what to talk about, then your attention is in the wrong place:

You're allowing yourself to get swept away by negative and anxious thoughts. Worries about what to say or what to do. As if there's a right thing to say or do. As if this person in front of you were putting you on a scale.
For real, fuck this person. No one gets to judge you unilaterally. And if we track this back to the source, the reality is that they're NOT doing this. YOU'RE doing this to YOURSELF. And you could end it today if you shifted your focus.
Focus on paying attention, because if you want to talk about stuff, you will get information about what to talk about if you just pay attention and follow up on what you hear or notice.
Stop focusing on trying to come up with something good to say. Listen to them and follow up on what they say.

5

On my lunch break the other night I met this cute girl who was working security in the parking lot, she came up to me and started talking and once my brain made the assumption that she was into me, I got AWKWARD as hella.

Well, you were kind of doing yourself in the moment you distracted yourself with this whole idea of "she was into you." You had no idea really. Until you are physically escalating on a girl and she's responding positively, you really have no idea and it might turn out to be completely friendly.

But since you made up your mind that she was into you and you had to suddenly please her and prove shit to her, you were obviously up the creek there.

And it was for nothing, really. You didn't really know shit about her. She hadn't proved herself to you, but you were allowing her to make you feel that way. And you did it to yourself, so you can stop it.

6

I started pacing back and forth trying to ask her about herself to keep her interested, but I never had anything clever or anything period to say about her answers to take the conversation in any direction. It was basically a series of me asking her a fuck ton of questions back to back and then saying I gotta go.

You almost had the right idea.

You don't need to be clever.
Asking her about herself is FINE.
But if you're running down a list of unrelated questions then you were dropping the ball.
The thing to do is actively listen when she's talking. 100% of your attention is on her, because information is power. You shouldn't be thinking about what to say if her lips are moving.
When she stops talking, you take a second, think about what she said, and follow up on it. Following up with a question or statement about her motivations (why she did something) or her emotions (how she felt about something) is golden.
If you're following up well, you should be getting more than enough information to figure out something to suggest doing later on if you invite her to do something one on one.

7

The last time I talked to her she asked my co worker to cook dinner for her some time so I walked away and gave up on that dream.

Yeah, she wasn't interested at that point.

WhiteKoala__ · 2018-09-18T17:42:16+00:00

Dude the greatest pua in the world, Neil strauss, is short and skinny and not particularly the best looking man there is. Its not about looks.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-18T10:22:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Back in the game
Author	chromosomer
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	September 18, 2018 8:28 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9gszln/back_in_the_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/back-in-the-game.1453568 https://theredarchive.com/post/1453568

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