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[–]TheRealUrbanRonin 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pm me. I just moved to a new area in the US in high school and I’m facing the same goddamn situation. We can try to work and think things out
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've gotten pretty good at recreating my own social circles. I've created my social circles from the ground up several times after different moves and other life events.
PM me your city and country, and I can go over what options you might have. There are probably way more than you think.
When you PM me, include what interests or hobbies you might have.
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
____1____
I try to politley invite myself to events with friends. 90% of the time I get rejected.
What did you literally say when you invited them? Can you give an example?
How do you know those people?
How long have you known those people?
In what ways do you socialize with people at school? Can you give an example of what an exchange looks like between you and people you know?
How long have you been going to this school?
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.....as soon as I try getting sexual with any girl, she starts rejecting me. Like I'm talking to a girl and all is fine. She's smiling, enjoying herself, sometimes touching me on the shoulder for no reason, holding strong eye contact... So I try to be more sexual. Maybe try to hold her hand, maybe ask her what she's doing this weekend, maybe throw in a sex joke... AND BOOM SHE GETS UNCOMFORATABLE... I then calm things down a little, and try again a bit later only to... You guessed it - be rejected...
.....as soon as I try getting sexual with any girl, she starts rejecting me.
Like I'm talking to a girl and all is fine. She's smiling, enjoying herself, sometimes touching me on the shoulder for no reason, holding strong eye contact... So I try to be more sexual. Maybe try to hold her hand, maybe ask her what she's doing this weekend, maybe throw in a sex joke... AND BOOM SHE GETS UNCOMFORATABLE... I then calm things down a little, and try again a bit later only to... You guessed it - be rejected...
Trying to hold a girl's hand so quickly seems premature.
Asking her what she's doing that weekend doesn't seem like it should be an issue though.
Sex jokes do seem like an issue though. If you're resorting to sex jokes, you are kind of shooting yourself in the foot.
[–][deleted] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
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No problem, man!
_A_
For the movies example, I literally said "Hey I'm planning to go see a movie tonight at 8. Wanna join?" Other examples include "We should grab a drink sometime." , "Wanna come over to play Playstation at my place?" , "How about grabbing a coffe after school?" etc...
This won't turn noes into yeses, but I'd suggest a shift in how you think of these proposals you're making.
Plan out something YOU would really like to do, even if you're by yourself. A coffee place you really like, a place that offers food you love, a hiking trail or nature walk that you enjoy. DO some of these things by yourself. TREAT yourself.
From there, shift from asking if they want to come over, and frame it as if they are welcome to join you. Slight difference between, "Wanna join?" and "You're welcome to join!" Or, "You should come!"
Then if/when someone can't come, it's not a penalty; they're missing out and the Fun Train continues without them.
_B_
On this note, I would suggest that you start getting used to the idea of interacting to people/strangers when you go out and about. A few simple things can warm you up.
Making eye contact and smiling with no further intentions. Even "saying" hello with a little eye brow raise.
Waving with eye contact and smiling. And with no further intentions, necessarily.
Really be present and aware of the world around you as you walk around. Pay attention.
If you're already paying attention, then the next step is to simply share basic observations with people. See a cute dog? Say, "What a cute dog!" See a cool building or street art? Say, "That is a cool building!" or, "That street art is amazing!" Or whatever actually popped into your head.
And so on. Even being Captain Obvious can help you connect with people.
Most of them go to school with me. To top it off we talk and have are pretty good friends in school.
So continue that friendship in school. And you may also consider organizing or being involved in study groups, if you share classes with any of them, that are difficult. Study groups are pretty much a no brainer with classmates.
I feel some people still look at me as the shy kid who doesn't isn't really looking for a girlfriend and doesn't hang out with anybody.
Do whatever you can to drop this line of thought. You might feel that way but you have no way of really knowing what everyone thinks. And even if they do think that, they're wrong anyway, so what's the point of it?
Actions speak louder than words, so it doesn't matter for shit that they might see you one way, when you're actually doing things that contradict that.
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I never full on hold a girls hand in a romantic way. It's more of a playful way of telling their future or complimenting/teasing them about their nails.
Well, if it doesn't work in some situations, then obviously you should think about adapting, right?
I don't force sex jokes. But if they come up then I roll with them. I read a lot about how you shouldn't shy away from them (or sex) and should just embrace your sexuality.
Rolling with something that someone else brings up = sure.
But at the same time, there is the whole issue of ASD. Once you get into directly talking about sex, it's a potential minefield that can shut doors for you.
Anyway I feel my game improved with new girls I meet. Like if the girl doesn't know me at all (is from a different school/city), then she becomes a lot more interested in me (holds eye contact, laughs at all my lame jokes, asks some personal questions about me...)
Could very well be that you have a rep that hurts your chances at your current school. But I've seen kids start out as complete nerds freshman year, and get adopted by every social clique in the school, including the popular kids, by the time they're in their senior year. So while it can take time, people WILL see you differently eventually, as you change.
____4____
What I'm trying to say is that my social proof is killing me. In a school and town where everyone knows everyone your social worth means a lot to girls. I have no idea how to better it.
Look, if you feel that you know everyone where you live and you don't seem to be connecting with them, that might be out of your hands.
Social interactions are two-way things and if others aren't meeting you halfway, you ultimately can't do anything about that.
If, as you say, complete strangers who are outside of your high school, treat you better and give you a chance, but people from your school don't, then you should find ways to socialize outside of those high school social circles.
And while being considerate of others is fine, I'd also stop focusing so much on trying to measure up to what you think those people at your school care about. Sure, be nice and interact with them. Ask them out to things, etc. But at the end of the day, create something with or without them.
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[–]TheRealUrbanRonin 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link