So first off, I think it's great that I got rejected, and for the most part I feel like I know where I went wrong. But there are a few mysterious elements and also I hope just writing this out I'll say some shit that I'm not realizing is revealing a disadvantage in my thought process.

Friday- Swing dance. Yeah, I swing dance. I had no wing men or ladies this evening, unusually, but I walked tall, looked good and gregariously interacted with everyone I could. I kept trying to channel my energy through my chest, keep my shoulders relaxed, move deliberately, and go after what I want. In dancing this is big, actually. As the lead, I often struggle with apologizing or worrying that I'm not being good enough... I also often ask bunk chicks to dance because it's easy. Not tonight. These are my dances, with the hottest women in the room, and I don't give a fuck what they think, in fact I'm pretty sure they are going to think I'm awesome. It worked until around 11 when I asked the hottest girl in the room to dance. First off, I got rushed, started talking fast, started stooping over and acting like woody allen all of a sudden. I was nervous. I tried to own the dance, but I kept thinking she was rolling her eyes. In retrospect, it was a shit test that I failed miserably. I mean, I didn't even introduce myself by name. When the dance was over, I thanked her and pretty much broke out to the shadows like a vampire at daylight. I felt rolled. It took me at least an hour to get over it. It pretty much ended my night.

Night 2, which is date two with an OKC date. First date ended with a kiss, and she had already invited me to sleep over before date 2 even started. Super hot girl, really fit and really artistic. We went to a sweet live music show in her town, and for the first act everything was going perfectly. We were grinding, eye contact, dancing, rubbing, nuzzling, sadly it was the peak of the evening and there is about five hours left to the story.

Enter lost puppy dog dude. So this chick is really outgoing, and has a lot of friends at the bar. That's fine. Some dudes are obviously interested in her. That's fine, she's giving me clear indication she's interested in me. But this one dude just keep creeping into the frame, keeps whispering in her ear, giving me shit looks. I think they have some sort of history and honestly I don't give a fuck. Dude is a chump. I didn't totally alpha roll him though. I kept cool, and gave them both space. I mingled, and left her for ten minutes at a time. She'd catch up to me, dude would creep in like it was scripted, and he would talk only to her. I should have called him out I guess, but I was kind of like what the fuck girlfriend this situation is getting whack. IN my perspective it was on her to shake this chump. It was probably a shit test that I just said fuck this to. I was getting thrown off, and what I probably should have done was managed the itinerary- let's get out of here, and go to another bar. But she's a stubborn chick and negatively reacts to my assertions. I guess I'm just not coming with enough authority or something.

Anyway, she left with me, which I knew she would, but she was gone. IN her head. Not conversational. We slept in the same bed and made out but she kept craning her neck back so as not to allow deep kisses. She was out to lunch. I felt her up a little, and tried to assert myself, asking her to open up, coming on strong, trying to break through this wall, but it was hopeless.

I'm wondering if all this seddit stuff is getting in my head and proving to be a disadvantage. For the record I'm 32, 6'2, athletic, educated, and socialize with a lot of progressive women. They are hard because they want girl power but you know and I know they in their feminism are often times just ratcheting up the intensity of the shit test for the alpha. It's like they want to see us castrated, meditating with them at an ani difranco concert, but then to assert ourselves with confidence. It's befuddling.