As a recent graduate, I realized I was overly reliant on social circles and mutual acquaintances to meet people. (My friends are very insular to begin with so it's not much to go on) I told myself I would go out to socialize more often to expand my social circle.

My action plan:

  1. Join networking groups and charity events. I volunteered my time to help a few organizations with some Philippine typhoon fundraisers and clothing drives. Met a lot of interesting and kind hearted people.

  2. Enrolled in activities such as hip-hop dance classes

  3. Every Friday and Saturday night I go to different lounges and bars. For example, three approaches that stood out

I went to a museum event and saw an attractive (HB7) girl looking at an exhibit. I came up to her and just blurted out, "whatcha looking at?" She laughed and countered with, "I don't know, that's why I'm reading it!" After some small talk, shd mentioned she was from out of town and asked me for other good places to check out. I gave her some suggestions and she politely excused herself to go back to her friends and asked for my name. In hindsight I should've gone for the #, but my closing is still a work in progress. My friend said she came back to her friends with a big smile on; her friends as well.

I was at a crowded bar in line to get some beer when a drunk guy being really animated kept bumping into this chick (HB7). She looked really annoyed so I told her "you look pissed!" She said this guy was bumping into her the entire time. And he did it again. I was like "c'mon man" and made him apologize. Luckily the guy was cool about it, pretty jovial drunk just insensitive. I told the girl, "let me know if he bothers you again. By the way, you owe me for my bouncer services." I then asked for her #, she said she is flattered but she is married. I waved goodbye to her friend who was smiling, watching and waiting for us and I was off. Throughout the night she was eyeing me and giggling to her friend.

Last one is my fail story. I saw a group of 7 girls (HB7-8s) huddled around a phone rating guys on tinder. I came up to them and asked how about me!? And puffed up my chest. They were surprisingly receptive, saying "you're actually alright! I would say yes!" And the other girls nodding and approving. The leader (HB8) who was holding the phone asked me to rate this guy. I played it too cocky and passive at this point, saying "that's a no for me unless he's your type. But I'm biased since I would only say yes to me. I should really get tinder so pretty girls like you guys can say yes for real" There are a thousand ways to flip this in hindsight: could've said "yeah hes perfect for you!" to disqualify myself, could've went direct for isolation by saying, "you know what I think, we should totally hang out tonight so you don't waste your time with tinder." The worst part is I still had their attention but I ejected. I confess I got rattled because I ran out of things to say and 7 gorgeous girls staring at you with interested eyes intimidated me. Its a reference experience for sure!

Some realizations so far:

  1. It doesn't matter what you approach with, as long as you have high energy and congruent with what you're asking/saying.

  2. You don't need to carry on the conversation by yourself. In all my approaches I found the girl volunteers stuff time to time for me to springboard from to keep the convo alive.

  3. I need to stay in set longer, I get spooked way too much when I run out of things to say. Inner game issue?

  4. Warm up beforehand. When I go out, I talk to everyone, guys waiting for the crosswalk, people in line in the drugstore, bouncers, bartenders, that crazy dude in the street corner with one eye.