Help with One-itis!

vodkalimesoda1 · 2019-02-23T07:44:50+00:00

I'm going to assume you're very young. Ghost her and never look back. She's got you on the shelf for validation, while she searches for another dude more suitable to her interests since she categorised you as the "friend". Have some self-respect and disappear from her life. Don't even react or give her the satisfaction.

Plotomatic · 2019-02-23T07:56:39+00:00

I would say move on, and if you can manage your feelings for her stay friends with her. It's good to have friends who are girls in the long run. They are seriously the best wingmen you can have. If you can't manage your feelings for her though, then yeah, move on.

Try and categorize the women in your life as either interested in you romantically (potential partners), uninterested in you romantically (friends), or undecided(strangers). Don't take it personally if someone isn't interested in you romantically, there are probably tons of women out there you aren't interested in romantically but you think are pretty cool, and that's fine. Just be honest with yourself. There would be some clearer signs if she was interested in you. It's very hard to move someone that thinks of you as "A good friend"(uninterested) into a romantic interest. Not impossible I would say but I don't believe there is anything you could say to her or do for her right now to "change her position" if she hasn't dropped clear hints to the contrary. You could put it all on the line, and say hey I feel this way about you and I have forever but think about it this way, put yourself in HER shoes for a moment:

Imagine you walk into a store and someone comes up to greet you, they're really friendly and dressed like an employee, so you say, "Hey, I'm just here to look around, I don't really want to buy anything." the person says "Okay, actually that's fine, I work here sure, but I just want to walk around the store with you, we'll be store friends today because you seem pretty cool." which you reply "Great" and you spend some time together walking through the store and everything is pretty cool, you laugh and connect a bit, you let your guard down and tell them some personal things you would tell to a friend. In fact you want to come back again and have that same experience because you had a really good time with your new store friend. You've built up trust. But right before you are leaving, the Store friend says, "Hey actually, before you go... I DO want to sell you something, I lied earlier. I've wanted to sell you something this whole time. Do you want to buy it right now?"

I think even if you wanted that thing a little, you would be pissed off about the experience.

However, imagine this same scenario, and that store friend excuses themselves from you for a moment midway through your "Store friends" walk saying, hold on I gotta go sell something, you watch them confidently go up to someone else and sell them something fucking awesome. They just nail it and then they come back to you and say "oh where were we?" and go back to connecting and being a store buddy. You might be more inclined to ask them or at least show interest in what they are selling.

This is somewhat of a weak allegory but what I'm saying is, changing her frame of mind about you is hard, you've already built up yourself as a friend in her frame of mind, especially if she came to you problems like that. Just coming up to her one day and saying, I've actually had feelings this whole time, probably isn't going to work out well. I say this from experience.

Remember the best dating advice you can get is self-improvement. Work on yourself and be proud of the work you put in for yourself and who you are. I don't know you, but who knows, you probably kick ass in some way. So find that and do that more. There is lots of advice to get you laid for 1 night sure, but in the long run, self improvement is king. Read some books. Take care of your mental health. Take some time to ask questions about who you want to be and what you want to go after. I only say this, because EVERYTHING gets easier when you really focus on this. It's easier to approach women, to be a bit more cocky and take risks when you feel centered and good about who you are and where you're going. It's like a cheat code. The best way to get any woman is not really need or want any woman all that much. It makes it super easy to talk with them and it drives them crazy because they are constantly walking around with "Store Friends trying to sell them some shit" and when you're just nonchalantly cool and calm and focused on something rad, you're irresistible.

Best of luck out there man. I've been in the friend zone before and it's hard to shake out of. You wouldn't be asking for help if you didn't have feelings for this girl and that's a hard thing to move on from. Just know that it IS possible, and after you DO move on from her, because you WILL, I promise, you'll feel good about it. Don't do it for her, but maybe one day too, you'll be such a badass that this girl will WANT to date you, and you'll notice, but I believe at that point, (although it's hard to believe now) you might be onto someone better and not even care about her all that much. Hope this helps.

Title	Help with One-itis!
Author	J1mbeach
Upvotes	0
Comments	5
Date	February 23, 2019 6:56 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/atsl9a/help_with_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-with-one-itis.1463019 https://theredarchive.com/post/1463019

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