I was stressing over a particular girl I'm currently courting because of how flakey she was being in setting up a 3rd date over text, despite the flirty & playful quality of our in person interactions. Typical shit- "does she like me? omfg is she just playing games with my heart? i should've done/txt'd this, i should've done/txt'd that". Getting me in a fucking tizzy, interfering with my work, etc. etc.

I felt I was getting dangerously near the whole "omg yes just let me know when you're ready to hang out, I'll drop whatever it is I'm doing and come to you, cuz I love you and I want you to love me really really bad". SO I got up the balls to text her something along the lines of this, letting it be painfully obvious I wasn't into playing games and was not about to be a little wuss sucking up to her every whim, even if this means I will "lose" her. I knew if I was just able to get her out on that 3rd date I would really blow her mind ;-)

[Outer Game] - I told her in a direct, concise, and mature manner, exactly how I felt. I told her how I found it disconcerting that our attempts to meet up were feeling contrived, considering how natural and easygoing we had been with each other around our friends and in more intimate situations (dinner, short car rides). I also said I felt comfortable, and not in a boring way, when I was with her and I was interested in developing/exploring that.

"And if these feelings aren't being reciprocated, I'm not going to waste either of our time and energy, it's cool and I understand." None of this "if you want to be friends, I'd love to, maybe I can make you want me" shit, although I will say I was tempted to. (The "I'm not going to waste either of our time and energy" line is from Manson's "Models")

[Inner Game] Boom. The moment I sent that, my whole mindset switched. First, I put my feelings out there, and that felt fucking awesome. She could reject them, and in that case, I wouldn't be fucking stressing over this waste of time any longer. No harm done, a learning experience, whatever. If she does want to hang out, then we can GET OVER THESE FUCKING GAMES and build a relationship of some sort, I don't know where it will lead, and that's pretty fucking exhilarating.

I get like 4 txts back like "OMG! Things have been crazy, it isn't how I normally behave lol smileyface. Now the tables have turned. We're going to a burlesque show Friday ;-] Sexual energy will be abound, assuming she doesn't find this post haha. Even if she does, I'd let her know that I'm a giver and a lover. Each and every person over here on this sub is a public servant. Most men, myself included, need help from other men.

In my mind this strategy worked because I had already developed an in-person rapport with her consisting of:

[Outer Game]

Light kino [lower back, shoulders, thigh grab, pokes] - Those touchies started early, esp once we started talking about each others eyes color over dinner

Passionate convos, and authentic behavior e.g. unnecessary torturing of animals in the factory farm industry, it's effect on the environment, and the US agricultural industry aka fellow human beings. Pretty sure I get extra points for pulling a Portlandia and risking being that guy- Ended up asking where the meat I was about to consume was from, since we were on the topic. But she thinks that show is funny, so lol.

Leaving the room to talk to other people when we went out with friends, not just hanging on her hip like a limp ass fucking weasel. It feels good to come back to a smile and a "heyyyyy! where were you?!?"- "talking to other people, derrrr babe. Because that's how a healthy relationship works..derrr..now Ima sit next to you and grab your thigh/poke you (while we chat with other people) cuz we both know you enjoy it"

Texting her after initial dates ("Hey I had a great time last night. -Playful, suggestive, line referencing the night-. Let's do it again sometime")

Playful-negging responses replying to her txts

Other Salient Behaviors: Reference happenings on your dates in follow up txts, Kino Kino Kino (not to beat a dead horse), try as hard as you can to be comfortable with rejection when you tell them your feelings (at appropriate times of course), show that you have some fucking boundaries and you're not ok with getting walked all over, accept the consequences of your actions

Anyone have deeper insight, additional strategies? It's so important to all relationships, but goddamn vulnerability is a tough nut to crack sometimes.