This is a long post, so I apologize in advance.

Last summer my college crush reached out to me after not seeing or speaking to her for 10-12 years. Reason being was she was married and her husband wasn’t too comfortable with us being friends since he sensed I liked her. Out of respect I backed off and only text her in her birthday, and we’d text a bit and that was it.

When I saw her request on social media I had a feeling that something was up. I accepted it and messaged her. We chat for a bit then she “accidentally” calls me. It wasn’t long until she tells me that her and her husband were going through a divorce. I knew it! I tell her how sorry I was and how I remember how awesome and sweet she was, etc.

A few days later, on a Saturday evening, she asks if she can come over and that she’ll bring wine. Before I know it, we’re in the couch making out and having some fun! It was great, BUT, something deep down inside me didn’t feel right. Before she leaves for the night, she said it’s probably not a good idea for us to talk after what just happened, but then played it back and said she was joking. I remember trying to wrap my head around what just happened. As great as it was, it didn’t feel right.

Days and weeks go by, and we’re still hanging out, still having sex, but the whole time I’m thinking to myself, “this woman is going through a divorce, the paperwork hasn’t even been processed, doesn’t she need time for herself!?!?”

She tells her parents and friends about me and they all tell her the same thing, “Just please be careful.” There were times she tells me she misses me and I would say it back, and I meant it. But things just didn’t feel right.

One night, she comes over, and I basically tell her that I didn’t like her. Now, I’ll say this that I didn’t tell her right then and there, I DID NOT like the girl who came back into my life after being away for 10-12 years and was expecting me to have an instant family, I just said I didn’t like her. She got up, walked out and left…I didn’t follow her out.

Over time, I just felt like was being a rebound, I was afraid that she would go back to her ex (who during one of our breaks, ended up having sex with for ol’ times sake) when we weren’t talking. We ended up taking a break after she FINALLY realized I was right how I felt she needed time to focus on herself. She apologized for what she did coming back into my life after so many years expecting a relationship with me, especially with 2 kids, one teenager and one who was a few years away from being a teenage. But she did hope we can try something organically and see if we can work out in time.

During the coming weeks, I would hardly text her since I didn’t want to be seen as a hypocrite when I was the one who told her to take time.

A few months ago, I decide to call her and we’re catching up. She tells me that she’s something someone who’s slightly older than us, is divorced, and has kids. That, for whatever reason, really hurt and upset me for I thought we were going to take things slow. But, she told her boyfriend about me and he told her he didn’t want us talking to each other, and she agreed. So I text her and I layed it all out on the line. She text me saying she was confused about my feelings for her and that she was still so upset about me telling her that I didn’t like her when I told her she knew very well what I meant. I asked if I may call her and she said no, I respected that.

Later that night, SHE calls ME. I come to find out she’s dating this guy because at first she saw her now ex husband dating some other woman and, knowing her, that really hurt her. She goes on to tell me that the guy she’s with is better than me, takes care of her, basically everything that I wasn’t when we were together, and that hurt. She said this was “goodbye for forever”. I told her that it wasn’t fair that I had to be the one to pick her up and help her put the pieces back together, then this guy comes in and swoops her away!

Me being me, I text her early the next morning thanking her for the call and the closure. She replies hours later to stop texting her and to not text her on her birthday for it breaks any rules/boundaries set forth for her and her boyfriend.

Bottom line, I was scared. I was confused. I wasn’t ready to have a family of my own, especially, when my college crush came back into my life. Did I hurt her, yes, I will not deny that, but I she hurt me too, and left me even more confused as to what happened.

I talked to family and friends about it, and they all agree, it’s not meant to be. What she did was bad, but I played a hand in it too. I guess what hurts the most is that I’m not one to hurt someone. I could’ve been another guy who just keeps her around for the sex, but that’s not me! It was wrong! I didn’t feel happy when we were together because I felt she was emotionally unstable.

The one thing, the majority of people have said is this…”she’ll reach out to you.” I wish they wouldn’t have said that because, knowing me, I’m somewhat holding on to that. I don’t know why. I’ve told them they’re wrong and she won’t. She has no reason to.

It’s been almost 2 months and each day gets better! But, please be honest with each other! If it doesn’t feel right deep down, if it feels too good to be true, say something!

Thank you all!