Let me start by saying that I don't like to waste my time. I don't enjoy vain pursuits. I'm not one to look at a brick wall and break my bones trying to run through it if there's no door. Cold approaches are like brick walls, sometimes the door is there, sometimes it's not.

With out confidence you can't be yourself. You need confidence to approach someone, but you need more than that. You need awareness. You need to be aware of your surroundings, aware of yourself, and aware of the feelings of the person you are attempting to make a connection with.

Here's the thing: women generally don't like being approached randomly and unexpectedly. In the world we live in women are always on the defense. I don't blame them, there are a lot of creeps out there, but because of this mindset you have to be careful and strategic with your cold approaches. You need an opening. You don't want to catch someone off guard or surprise them. That may be cause for alarm and really dampen your chances at a conversation. A high level of anxiety is fairly common in today's population.

It doesn't matter how confident you are, some women aren't interested in talking. Ask yourself, "does this person look like they want to talk right now?" Earbuds and headphones are really good indicators of someone who does not wish to be approached. Don't waste your time! I know you may be dying to talk to this person and you think this may be your only chance, but I urge you to remember how many people there are out there and how many more chances you will have in more appropriate settings. Always be respectful, as being approached can make a person very uncomfortable. Honestly, just use observation. Do they look friendly and welcoming?? If not, they are a brick wall with no door.

Setting is important. If you are in a place where people generally hang out (a bar, the park, heck, sometimes the subway), approaching makes more sense and is more socially acceptable. Making a comment to someone who is passing you on the sidewalk is generally less so. This, however, is not applicable if you can find a valid connection; a concrete reason to approach, other than just to say, "Hi, I think you're cute."

In any situation you will need some sort of connection. Your door. That could simply be prolonged eye contact if you are in the appropriate setting. If you're on the street, an example of this might be if they drop something and you return it to them, or if they have a pet, you comment on the pet and strike up convo that way. Know that if you are getting in the way of someone who is busy, with out a valid connection, then you will be bothering them, they will dismiss you, and they may not be kind about it.

It's relatively easy to tell when someone is interested, their gaze is held for a moment too long. A shy person will avert their gaze, however this is an indicator only if they were looking at you first and you caught them, causing them to avert. If they caught you looking at them and rapidly avert that could mean they are not interested. If they catch you and hold eye contact for a moment too long and then avert, I would say that is an acceptable invitation. I really think for the most part that you will know it when you see it.

Let's change course real quick. I want you to imagine for a moment that you are the epitome of beauty. You are constantly approached my women and you have been for as long as you can remember. At first you were into it, and while you were not attracted to all the women there were a lot that you were and you'd let the others down kindly. Slowly through the years however, it starts to drain on you. You find that the vast majority of women that you were attracted to were actually horrible and manipulative. You see that the few good ones felt threatened by the onslaught of others trying to talk to you. You've now had so many uninteresting women approach you over the years that you just shut them down right away. Some of them get angry when you don't give them a chance. This is of course an exaggeration but you get my point.

If they are gorgeous they've dealt with an uncountable amount of approaches since they were thirteen years old and have probably grown tired of it, so you have to figure out what makes your approach different.

Now this next part is just how I do things and what works for me, but you do you.

I don't make it obvious I am interested in them more than a friend. I find that's a good mindset to have. It alleviates the pressure. I'm not approaching a woman to hookup, I am looking to meet a new person and make a friend. This creates a sense of comfort for them too. They expect me to be thirsty, I'm not, and that's a pleasant surprise. From there I read body language, I will flirt subtly, use charm. I never make sexual jokes to "test the waters," I have a friend who does this all the time. It makes me cringe.

Sometimes this all ends in a hookup, sometimes it's the start of a relationship, sometimes nothing happens. Whatever the case, I have had a great time and I've made a new friend.