Recently, I have been on a bit of a rollercoaster.

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I have been going out to bars for the past 6 months every weekend to try to steel my confidence in interacting with women. It started as you may think, talking myself out of talking to anyone, even men, and slowly building my confidence to actually approaching. Fast forward a bit and I am confident enough to approach, and hell, have even gotten a few numbers.

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Normally I am not too bothered by getting rejected, even by girl who initially give me their numbers but recently I've had three big blowouts that have just completely crippled my confidence and have put me back at the stage to where my confidence is so low I don't even approach anymore. These were three girls who showed great interest and energy, at least so I thought, and all of them wound up either ghosting me or flat out rejecting me after what I thought was a great time with them. It just makes me think 'what is wrong with me? what did I do wrong? am I really that horrible to be around?' and leads me down into a spiral of self hatred. I've been completely dry on getting dates these past 6 months, even when my efforts were at least more tangible than they are now. It is at the point where I hate myself, and how could I sell a girl on 'me' if I don't even like me?

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I wind up leaving well before closing time, alone, in a bad mindset. I hate bars, its too loud, I don't like drinking, and the atmosphere is just not for me. If I had could just have a relatively clear 1 on 1 with someone I liked, I don't think I would have any problems there. The bar atmosphere really cripples me.

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How do I pull myself out of this? I am beginning to hate myself again (something I've been trying to mend with therapy, working out, upping my style game, and 'game' game) and it feels like it is all futile.