I have a fear of women, due to limb like cycle that lasts a lifetime. I have never been romantically nor sexually involved (n' I'm 26). I have developed affinity early in my life for solitude, due to terrible mother son relations, out of authoritarian upbringing, lot of violence from her and punishments for usually minor inconveniences. What I just said manifested in me carving for more nurturing feelings but, in contrast, also fearing commitment for having to put up is such union where the woman constantly puts pressure on those around her, since as kid I saw it to be my "normal". I had a lot of bad luck trying to express myself. First crush in elementary school got me ridiculed for after kids from class took away out of my hands love poem I was going to write for girl I liked, of course against my will. All the times have I failed to seduce successfully, sometimes for being too friendly, sometimes for being too forward, sometimes just by coming across the wrong, toxic and twisted girl that would use me for attention. Keep in mind that I picked quiet bit of bad vibes of my surrounding environment that tends to ridicule guys with lack of sex/relationship experiences (I live in Croatia).

I feel sick to the point when I wish to meet someone new I am overwhelmed by constant failures. I understand that girls are to be driven by confidence, and hate to have my trauma mistaken for insecurity, though I hold myself in high regards. I am however afraid of having to spend lifetime like this, cause every day I feel I keep falling deeper.

I have started talking to psychotherapist recently with all my focus to overcome this fear (I used to see them before, for battles I won against lack of success, 15 years of depression and suicidal thoughts). From this page, however, I was curious to see advices of weather someone has gone through similar experiences. How do I convince myself I am good enough? Is it possible that what I had gone through can be used in my advantage, to stir interest? And considering Croatia, is there a way girls could take a bit of more initiative on their own if I could explain myself to them, cause I can't simply ignore that what brings me down.

Whoever has anything to say, add, explain similar experience, I'd really appreciate it. This was my first post, and it matters to me unimaginably.