Hello everyone, I would like to share my worst dating experience I've ever had so far. I was 22, doing the post-grad program, penniless, and he was 23 - uni student because of international student visa issues.

He was a smooth talker, was a playboy and was the life of the crowd. The Plain Jane virgin pickmeisha me was so lonely as I was isolated between uni and apartment and was just coming into terms about my childhood trauma revealing itself when I started having problems adjusting in school. He didn't seem that keen on commitment but he said the right words to say, and knew how to comfort me when he sees me having issues. I wanted a companion and someone whom I can rely on because of my ptsd, which I knew in my gut would be scary because I wouldn't know if he was a nice or bad person. Everyone had positive remarks about him, so I thought he was nice. Maybe I was really depressed and desperate because I felt it in my GUT it was no but my FEAR prevailed and for that I said yes. He kept on love bombing me with words, instagram posts about us, introducing me to his sisters and talking about me to his parents and sending videos of him confessing his love for me with his circle of guys friends.

What I was so bothered was he was WITHOUT REMORSE when he did things that disrespected me. Talking about me in a sexual cue with his friends, drunk texting his viber group about missing me when he's drunk and always just calls me whenever he was partying or drunk or just going to uni or school.

I felt hurt and more isolated whenever we meet up because he would always do things that scared the shit out me. He would remove the condoms, asks me for another round, and asked me to take photos of us and videos which I profusely declined. It was like he didn't hear me saying NO, and it bothered me a lot like my mind was clouded by his malevolence.

Growing up, I didn't know how to fight for myself, because I learned at home that right or wrong depended on the person in power in the house not on the morality itself. I dumbed down with a brute way of verbally instigating mal-educated, misinformed way of looking at morality of the Church's views. I wasn't taught on how to learn about self-sufficiency as I only learned how to obey without question or reason not to and all the verbal, emotional and psychological abuse made me feel powerless and insecure as I felt I was living in a war zone. All I wanted as an OUT, an ESCAPE, a NEW LIFE on my own and without these people around me hurting me and what hurted me the most was I met him when I was in my lowest point and he used it against me by LYING to me and DRAWING me into a jungle with a lot of weeds to be sowed.

With this, I learned his motive and move. He wanted whole ACCESS on me without doing much. He seemed like he was hovering at me and he was trying to get my reaction by saying the right words manipulatively to get me to do what he wanted to do. GUT FEELING IS A LIFESAVER, and what I saw was him not feeling any remorse on the bad things that he did to me, and that made realize that LVM WILL NOT MIND WASTING YOUR TIME AND SOUL IF IT BENEFIT OR AMUSES HIM. He will MIND only if I will find him in his tracks.

LVM has this ability to capture and cage a woman physically, mentally and emotionally if the woman is naive and incapable of seeing trouble or danger especially when she grew up in an Authoritarian, overly-protective, domesticating, economically withholding household. Which revolves around fear and coercion and economical control.

LVM would say the right things, but will do nasty things behind your back. He would say sweet things while stabbing you in the gut, making you confused and mentally clouded because in your mind your way of thinking it would be like this:

"He/They would never hurt me because they love me and they're my family." WRONG, some people will not even consider your familiar or emotional relationship to treat you right or wrong.

Having toxic people in your life will really make confuse of right or wrong and what is true.

You have this, idea of the role on which the people around you should do as you do yours. It is disappointing to see how people who are supposed to care for you will be the ones who hurt you.

So, it is not falling in love or wanting love is the problem, but wanting it or expecting it to people (family and lover) who were supposed to give to you instead they make a mockery of it on you. Shame on me back then on believing in people around me too much, but good on me that experience taught me these painful truths.

"Do not ask why it happened, do ask what to do about it."

TL;DR: How do you deal with people who are supposed to love and care for you hurt you without remorse? Would you emotionally manipulate yourself on forgiving them, or use your reason to do what needs to be done?