It is not easy talking about this particular demon which has haunted me for most of my life, but I was born with a birth defect caused by a traumatic birth, which caused me to have a condition called Craniosynostosis, which is caused by forceps which damaged the skull, and the skull plates do not fuse properly which gives the effect of a misshaped and larger than normal skull. Frank Sinatra had a similar trauma which left his skull damaged, but he had numerous operations to make him look more normal. It has been painful to live with such a defect and I have spoken to others who have had similar experiences. The trauma also has an effect of causing trauma on the brain which leads to learning difficulties and other associated mental problems. e.g dyslexia and physical development, I grew to 5" 7 and weighed just under 10 stone. But the most unpleasant thing is how I'm perceived by people, who regard me as a 'freak'. The most painful thing is how women have treated me and still do, now don't get me wrong, if they find me repulsive because of these physical drawback, then fair enough, as long as they leave me alone, but they don't, every day since I was a child, I've had contemptible attitudes from them, from women teachers and the girls at school, who called me a weakling, and when I have to go out shopping, It's the utter look of disgust and even repulsion at my appearance, their attitudes in general is sometimes unbearable! I've had very nasty things said from women, total strangers to me, who I've never met, say such nasty cursing names from A to Z in public, places like public bars and shops, the high street, odious names such as weirdo, wanker, that freak, gay boy, pervert, creep. It took such a toil, the bullying, that it caused me to have PTSD! Anyway my face is fine and I'm a physical active man who looks after himself, I've been told by people, mostly my male friends, that I'm a amicable person, who is quiet, quite intelligent, as I'm qualified enough to assemble PCs, which I often do for them as a favour, they said I'm good with computers, they said I'm very knowledgeable about general knowledge. They also said I had humour and warmth and other qualities and that they admired my courage, because I didn't succumb to being an alcoholic or drug user, because of my traumas and the way I been treated in the past. I appreciate their complements, but it's just how women treat me that's the most painful, women who don't even know me, yet they see my physical drawbacks and I'm looked upon as almost subhuman, they just see this physical imperfection and come to that conclusion, you are damned and shamed, just because I'm not physically attractive to them. So I try my best to avoid them, but it's impossible, unless I was on a desert island, away from their obnoxious behaviour! Some days have been so painful, I've contemplated suicide, but I manage somehow to pull myself back, to refrain from self deprecation, just because they (women) hate me, why should I end my life to satisfy them. I'm just as good as any other man, but I have this deformity, that's all, but women don't see me for my qualities, my inner strengths, they ignore that, and damn me to hell. I just thought I'd mention this, which isn't easy, just in case any other man has had such shitty and disgusting behaviour!

PS: I don't hate women, because with this hatred, you are only punishing yourself, I just don't respect them, like most men, you can admire the female physical form, which is only natural, it is their mindset, general attitudes and insecurities which are a mystery and a general pain!