Regularly, feminists make statements on the form of:

You are worried about bad thing X that affects men negatively? Well, X is actually caused by patriarchy (in very intangible, indirect, thoughts-and-perceptions ways). So you should help dismantle patriarchy, then your goal will come to you and be achieved as a side effect, trickling down!"

And in the next step, the specific ACTIONS they want to "dismantle patriarchy", will involve clear, direct, tangible benefits for women.

It's like something you could see in a shitty civil war:

Lisa hates Albanians. She comes across a group that dislikes Brazilians. So she tells them: "Hey, I am one of you, just like you, wanting a peaceful and safe future! But did you know that the best way to stop the Brazilians is to attack Albanians? The Albanians support Brazilians, you can't really reach your goal without attacking the Albanians first! You want a peaceful and safe future, don't you? So help me in our fight against the Albanians!

A form of sociopathic manipulation of people, by identifying what people want, and redirecting their efforts towards what YOU want.

How to deal with this? Two steps:

1. Remember that feminism has gathered some of the most monstrously fucked-up antihuman trash in history

Simone de Beauvoir was intelligent and well-formulated, supported paedophilia, and declared that pregnant women had parasites growing within them. Emmeline Pankhurst was intelligent and well-formulated, and promoted and took part in a massive campaign of mass terrorist bombings. Andrea Dworkin was intelligent and well-formulated, and declared that heterosexual sex inherently is a violation of women.

This doesn't at all mean that all feminists are as monstrously fucked-up antihumans as this. They can be stupid, or fixated on some aspect of it they think is good.

It just means that we should consider it a real possibility that the person we're discussing with is a manipulative sociopath, who are using age-old practices of Obscurantism "2) deliberate obscurity—a recondite literary or artistic style, characterized by deliberate vagueness." to recruit support.

Don't take what they say at face value. Don't accept vague, intangible, "trickle-down" cause-and-effects.

2. Instead, insist on specific and direct efforts for equality first

They parade as virtuous, with strong and virtuous goals, just to be achieved in indirect and obscure ways. The only way to beat that is to present strong and virtuous goals, to be achieved in very direct ways.

So find specific issues of inequality, and just declare that we should focus on them first - like child custody reform in Florida, where 50/50 custody should be the legal starting point unless anything else can be justified, something feminists opposed: https://floridapolitics.com/archives/206474-womens-rights-groups-host-statewide-media-conference-sb-668/ .

In short: Ignore attempts to recruit you with obscure promises of trickle-down butterfly-effect equality. Demand that all specific, direct, actions to change laws, rules and practices are taken first, as something to prioritize, and the feminists should be in favor of.