A little on me: Asian, average height, broad shoulders, not built, not fat. To girls I was "cute" and "dorky". The SMV was not there, I guess. To guys I was the guy who gave no fucks about social consequences. I would put my foot down, but I would also take falls.

So, a considerate ubermensch (ha-ha). Too bad that I was plugged in. I've scared away everyone I've ever opened up to, and I've gotten a handful of confessions from people I didn't look twice at. The truth is caustic.

Now here I am, trying to get built, and I'm considering also practising cold day game.

Being a depressed loner, it took work for smiling at people to become more natural. It's good for professional life, but perhaps not for game. Also, I don't give half a fuck about meeting new people. When I want to smile in a place full of people, I have to make myself laugh, like by imagining they're all children.

Is it better to smile more or less? Smiling seems like free validation; not smiling might reveal too much of my world view. The face I make when I'm silently laughing at someone, I'm told, looks angry.

When people ask if I've come alone, I'm not really sure how to respond either.