I guess I'm posting this cause I'm a little shaken up. I'm glad, upset...a whole bunch of shit at once. Blue pill withdraw, shock, I don't know. I could use some input. Here is the situation:

My wife left me a year ago. We are still married. I sent her an e-mail just a little bit ago about closure and getting divorced.

Here is the facebook convo that insued (it is ongoing, the last entry is the last thing said:

Her:

-Lol thanks for all that? I did love you Scott and a part of me always will, but you controlled me to the point where I lost who I was.. Things are finally falling into place for me in life I hope and I won't be able to pay for the divorce right now.. I wasn't going to stay with my sister in South Carolina.. I was going to stay with my aunt. How did you even know about that?

-It's not all about sex Scott never was..

-I did loose my Waite and respect for you

-Desire*

-I never cheated on you Scott I didn't find someone until December

Me:

But we didn't divorce until... Oh, wait....lol

(again, we arent divorced)

Her:

-Lol well yea now

(we are going to get divorced)

-I still miss talking to you Scott

Me:

-I know you do.

Her:

-You will never believe what habit I picked up

Me:

-Cigarettes

-Am I right?

Her:

-Lol yea newports.. After all that time of me hounding you

(I used to smoke and quit a few years back)

Me:

-Newports. Lol is your bf black or something?

Her:

-Half black

-Half Italian

-Lol

Me:

-Whatever makes you happy babe. Go for it.

(aloof)

Her:

-Same for you Scott.. I'm not like a previous ex's name.. I don't hold any resentment or anything I just knew it was over

-Everything you said is all I ever wanted you to realize

(I mentioned in my letter about working out, alpha stuff, nothing specific about trp)

-And figure out and do for yourself

Me:

-You gonna marry this guy? He's not a fatty is he?

Her:

-No I will not be marrying any time soon. Lol kinda impossible.. Besides its too soon and I won't marry unless I'm 100% certain next time.

-And not he is not a fatty

-Skinny dude

Me:

-You should have divorced me first though. You know that.

-Shit was tacky

-I still count it as a cheat. But that's okay. I've learned the all women are like that. It's alright smile emoticon

Her:

-Not all girls are like that Scott and I don't appreciate the dig. I stayed loyal to you despite everything.

Me:

-It's not a dig, it's the truth. We are still married. You are still my wife. You should have divorced me first. Sigh, you have no idea what I'm talking about, I know. I'm getting past it, and I do appreciate you telling the truth. Makes things easier for me.

Her: -I hope despite everything Scott we can still be casual and cordial with each other.

Me:

-Cordial yes, but we cant be friends. Think about it for a second. What self respecting man would stay friends with his wife after she cheated on him? I'm not that guy anymore. I don't play that shit.

-Unless you want to have pick up sex. In that event give me a call.

Her:

-Lol I never said friends.. And you wouldn't want to be friends but you will do a booty call. Lmao

-I'll take that as a compliment

Me:

-Eh, more like a last bang for the road. I'd be rough though, you probably wouldn't want that.

(I have NEVER talked to her like this. Ever.)

I guess I'm feeling mixed emotions. I still have emotions about her getting cocked by this guy, but on the other hand, I know that AWALT. It's her nature. I'm shaky and get getting my balls back at the same time.

Fucking red pill is a bitch to get down, huh?

Edit: New messages:

her:

-Lol the fact that you say that shows how little you know/knew me Scott.

Me: -Sarcasm doesn't translate well via text. Of course you'd love it.

Her:

-Lol