I'm 26 and she is 32, and its my first serious relationship. The age doesnt bother me so much as us both being in different stages of life. I'll explain in bullet points.

-Shes had at least 4 serious relationships through her 20's, she had at least 2 fwb and maybe 1 one night stand. Though this is what she told me early in our relationship.

-We are currently in long distance (we have closed the distance and been together a few times). Several times now, she has pushed the desire to "get married" because it would make it easier to close the distance for good. I don't see this as a good reason to get married.. and it stresses me the hell out when she talks about our future so much.

I'm not sure if I truly love her and I'm just attached.. which is something that took me by surprise. I've tried detaching on numerous occasions but the longer I go without talking to her it starts to hurt and I rubber band right back into her arms. I still want her in my life, but I don't want this attachment.

I don't mind being with somebody, but It's the feeling of being trapped that I just can't stand. I want to be with someone because I choose to be not because I'm unable to detach when I want to.. we are on skype video calls all the time (when we are long distance).

And the things that come to my mind which bother me the most-

My imagination goes wild sometimes thinking about her one night stand/s, fwb, and long term relationships. I think of all the sex shes enjoyed with someone other than me. I feel like I'm an end-game sort of guy - i don't want to date a hundred women just so I can try them all - I just want one girl I can see myself settling down with. Maybe one day have kids, who knows. But why would I have kids with a woman who squandered her youth on men who respected her the least? (got that straight from trp).

There is also the matter of her sex drive. We first met face to face early in 2016 and I had strong suspicions about how the sex might be, and I turned out to be correct. In bed, she was very unenthusiastic about fucking me. I found the only way I could attain pleasure was to fuck her and even that was really lame.. it felt pathetic at times, and I didn't enjoy it. The sex with her is a chore.. I suspect she squandered all her heat/sexual energy on other men..

So with all that said.. I need some advice. I'm in a relationship I'm only partially okay with. I enjoy and value our friendship, but I don't clearly see an end-game with this. I don't want to be stuck with this woman, getting married, and the sex probably getting even more lame. I don't feel like she can fulfill all of my needs as a man.. I need a woman who WANTS me in every way. I want a girl who's crazy about me.

She once described one of her earlier relationships to me, lets say his name is Tom. In her words "I was crazy about Tom, so I moved in with him. And I was a lusting 21 year old".

I know she loves/cares about me.. but she certainly isn't crazy or lusting over me..