Been a long time lurker on TRP...

I used to have streams of text typed in ready to post but pulled myself out of it and said fuck it not gonna bother. Now I reached a threshold,, guess some red pill advice would make it easier cuz I can’t keep it to myself anymore. My life's been going okay so far, even if it totals to the monk mode. I'm not really an attractive guy but learned to see it as is. Not that I haven't had my share of women, but let's just say rotating plates, abundance, being noticed, its simply not in the cards. Met a new girl and she was quick to put out, a week later if I remember correctly. Two things happened... Never in my life have I encountered a woman who’s DTF then does fuck all, just laying there and expecting to receive. No oral on either side, no kissing under any circumstances. She sabotaged me with that escort-like shit so I couldn’t do my own thing. Couple that with alcohol after getting shit done all day, and whiskey dick followed. Surprisingly she stayed. And I mean for days. We had sex over time, but anyway still on her terms and it has gotten annoying fast.

Made me feel incomplete, confused, and revived my old insecurities. The other thing... God, she’s crazy as it gets! didn't take much to figure out. I’ll add that sex was unprotected and if I wanted to go for it she’d let me cum inside. I suspected BPD, bipolar, what have you. I got hooked to the highs during plenty of time we spent together, months down the road. Drowned in illusion in which I could replay my youth. For years I've been sliding into territory of incel thinking and she made me forget about that but idk what to think of it since she’s never made me feel attractive either. The closest thing to how typical emotionally involved woman would express herself was her texting that she misses me early on.

Eventually it became clear she's rotating her "plates" and isn't bothered to lie about or hide it. But see, that didn’t phase me, it’s that I’m not getting much out of it. The chemistry I developed worked against me, so time and time again I was on the verge of admitting the obvious but I didn’t slip. I nexted her as time went by because I wanted to escape the fucking mess, and sex stopped being on the table. Didn’t work out. So one day we got into an argument over text, because I refused to play along while she does whatever the fuck she wants and holds all the power, then she decided to break all contact. This restored my peace back, as if someone exorcised the demon from my life. I got stalking habits under control, but had a glance or two on one of her profiles, where she started sharing content implying regrets about someone who got away. Just something I noticed, not drawing conclusions here. My thoughts when recalling the experience eventually turned warm and fuzzy, I didn’t think badly of her but calmly moved on. It’s been a month and like she could fucking smell it, there she is, calling, sending text. “lets get back together”. I didn’t rush to respond, she was the one texting and calling everyday, lured me in again, so yeah I let that one slide. It was the last time. Our next meeting after that was already arranged, but she was out with a “male” friend the night before(fuck that) then wanted to come over early morning. I said I’ll hit her up in the morning, but never did. Later she seemed offended about it, said she’s going out again and that we’ll be in touch next week. My response “Ok then.” and block.

I really liked this one. Not that I would ever step into something serious with her, that would be retarded, but she left a mark on me. I feel like a failure, can’t lie. I’m guessing advice would be to swallow it as a pill and never open a channel of communication ever again?