Hey, I just wanna apologise in advance for being a weak willed bitch in this post. It also may be a long read, so again apologies for that.

I don't really know how to express this, so I'll try my best. I'm suffering from extreme self hatred, and I feel like it's because I look at myself and think "I'm not enough of a man," "I'm weak as shit" or "I'm unattractive as hell."

Just a little backstory on that, my thoughts around self-hating and "self-degradation," as my mom calls it, originated when I wasn't selected for the Varsity Rugby Team in High-school for multiple occasions. I used to break myself down and look for what was not a good quality trait and remove it via training (it being either physical or mental), but somewhere along the line, those thoughts tended to things which I couldn't change and I begun to hate myself with a ferocity. It's only gotten worse from there and I have planned, and once executed my own suicide.

I've gone to the respective subreddits to try to find a solution to these thoughts, although I may be getting support; I feel like there isn't a solution to it. Granted, I am absolutely oblivious so I don't think I can see the solution. I remember the only time where I hadn't felt these thoughts was when I went to The Red Pill and I finally got some success albeit bittersweet. So I'm back, asking for your help again.

I'd like to learn how to fucking eliminate these thoughts, to finally look in the mirror (with or without a shirt) and say "You're a sexy son of a bitch" with absolute truth and confidence. I'd like to note that I don't care how long it takes, or how painful the journey is. I want these thoughts gone, so that I will have to never bring pain to my parents ever again.

Thanks all for reading this, and again sorry for being a weak willed bitch. If y'all wanna know anything just message and I'll get back to you ASAP. Thanks and good luck!