I went out Friday night with a good friend of mine. We went to a small-ish outdoor minimal/tech house party. 100-130 people were there, mostly the hipster type, rich and smug, but surely not all.

My friend had no intention of picking up girls as he's thoroughly happy in his relationship so I was at it alone.

Very soon after we had arrived I notice a HB7 standing alone holding her drink, obviously not having fun at all. She was not dancing, not tapping her foot, she just watching the dj play, seeming quite bored. I approach her and almost fall in front of her as there was this damn step I hadn't noticed. I laugh it off saying I nearly feel there. We smile and I open her, ask her why she's not dancing and enjoying the party. She says it's not really her element. I introduce myself (with a longer than usual handshake), I get her name and ask who she's there with. I then find out she's there with her boyfriend - the dj that was playing at that time, a (sort-of) buddy of mine I had known for years. We talk some more and I tell her she should at least pretend to enjoy the music her man's playing.

Shortly after I try to open a group of about 8 people. I know their AMOG, a 22ish dude that's fucking a very hot mom and her even hotter daughter (he's sort of famous for that) I've known this fellow since he was 10, when I used to go to his older brother's house, whom I was friends with at the time. So we talk, but he's being very smug and not really trying to be friends. I try to give them the "how do you all know eachother" routine, hoping to be introduced to the group. The AMOG says they're childhood friends with a smug smirk on his face, which I know is a lie since most others from his group were either in their late 20s or early 30s, while he's still in college. I quickly find out I'm not welcome there so I move on.

A bit later I notice to girls, a HB 7 and a HB6.5 so I approach them and open the HB7, introducing myself, getting their names, asking them how they know eachother, to which they exchange looks and say their very old friends from school. We were hitting it off, kino and all and the HB7 seemed very receptive. Already feeling somewhat comfortable I think I should try that push/pull thing and then don't you know it, the friend I came with called me out to have a joint. I tell the girls I will be back and we will talk some more.

Well it then turns out my friend had forgotten the weed home so we decide to go and get it. Luckily it was really close and we're back to the party in under an hour. By this time there are quite a bit more people there and I can't find the 2set I had opened earlier anymore. I don't really give a shit so I look around for people I know and/or groups I can open.

Then I meet a HB9 friend (ex gf of my brother, married and not interested) so I say hi to her and her group but by this time I am pretty much out of state. If before I had been having fun, I was starting to feel tired, bored and not amused. The party was the BYOB type and I was out of beet and the nearest store was about 3 miles away, distance you had to walk, so this certainly didn't help.

I think of opening more groups but the voice in my head that's responsible with the self-talk and self-doubting is pretty loud by now and I think why bother.

Eventually I leave for home and that concludes a pretty uneventful night out.

Conclusions

  • One thing I noticed (also on other occasions) is that I somehow miss the opportunity to close. This time I may have been gone for too long so the 2set I mentioned either lost interest or, I don't know... they simply mingled and I couldn't find them anymore. Other times I just talk to girls, try to build rapport, do some kino but I either don't escalate, don't ask for a number, don't go for a kiss...
  • I have trouble remembering names and things people tell me (especially if I leave and return to a group) and this makes it hard for me to make conversation based on what we had been talking prior to me leaving. This is partly because I'm not genuinely interested in the group. I just open to meet the girl(s) I'm interested in. Then again, maybe I should smoke less weed when I go out as it seems to fuck up my immediate and very short-term memory.
  • At times, when I'm having a good time I can party with and without people, feeling like a million bucks. I open girls and or groups and give no fucks about how I do with them, what their impression of me is, I just have a blast partying. Other times, like the other night, I quickly lose state if and when I don't like the music (and it sucked donkey balls), if I don't get drunk enough, if I don't meet anybody interesting and receptive enough so I can have a nice convo with. As soon as I realize these things I start feeling out of my element and rather down so I usually leave by this time.
  • At times I still feel (although not as badly as I used to) that I don't fit in, that I'm not cool enough, rich enough, hipster enough to make friends with most of these people.
  • On the positive side, I do feel proud with myself for actually opening and talking to girls. So what if she was there with her man, so what if those 2 had left by the time I returned, so what if I couldn't get into that group? It's all about baby-steps, innit?

edit:

  • I'm pretty sure, now that I think of it, I don't make enough eye contact. This ties into the fact that (and maybe explains why) I find it difficult to remember people's faces and things they've said, 2 minutes after disengaging them. I definetly need to improve my eye-fucking abilities and generally make a whole of a lot more eye contact with everybody. I find this incredibly easy when walking on the street, in the tram, at work... I make eye contact and keep it until 9/10 times the other person breaks eye-contact. However, at clubs and social gatherings I have no fucking idea where my eyes are looking, but it's certainly not the person(s) I'm talking to.