Soulmate (Wikipedia)
“A soulmate is somebody with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one’s soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations.”
Soulmate Card (Married Man Sex Life!)
“A tactic used by a straying spouse to trump any and all ethical responsibilities of action or honesty towards a legally married spouse. The cheat simply announces the Soulmate Card is in play and both the husband and wife are powerless to effect the relationship from that point. The Soulmate trumps all other cards in play and the marriage ends.”
There are two basic defenses to the Soulmate Card. The first is the other man/woman simply denying the Soulmate Card, by saying they don’t feel nearly so serious about the relationship and that this is only a fling WTF are you talking about. The other is by the cheat finding out that the other man/woman was in fact having sex with yet another unknown person the whole time of the affair. (I mean it’s one thing that he goes home to his wife and has sex with her, but finding out the bastard has ANOTHER girlfriend is a deal breaker.)
While Jennifer and I share a great deal of “affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility”, I really don’t see her as my soulmate. She’s my wife. Which is a far more powerful and meaingful thing.
With a soulmate there is a sense of powerlessness that goes along with it. We just are soulmates, it just is magical, it’s so effortless together, we just know what the other is thinking, we just drawn to each other. It’s as if the relationship has a power of all it’s own and the couple involved are passengers in that relationship. Well kinda… it’s a neurochemical thing happening.
With a husband and wife, there is an active sense of empowerment that goes along with it. If there is magic we made that together, if we know what the other is thinking it is because we have listened to each other, if we have a special bond together it is because we have gone to each other and joined. We drive the relationship and direct it. It’s a rational neo-cortex thing happening here.
Being in a “soulmatey” experience is more typically at the start of a relationship and is a heady experience. Lets just call it what it is – it’s two people crushing on each other is all. It’s all hormones and biology. It’s totally awesome being in that experience and some people crave that like a drug… which… well is probably because it is a drug.
Being a husband or a wife is about creating a long term meaningful deep emotional pair bond. It’s less dramatic, less in your face, but it’s vitally important and smooth and deep in flavor.
Accept that crushes – for each other or even other people, are temporary and erratic. They can spring up from nothing, burst over you for a moment and then be gone. They can simmer quietly in the background for years. They can suddenly fizzle out. They can ebb and flow as mine does with Jennifer. Up and down and around and around. I still crush on her after all this time and then I don’t. And then I do. (Jennifer is the stable one in our relationship lol, I’m the more random one, true story.)
However, as long as you are being actively good to each other, the pair bond however will strengthen over time. Stronger and stronger. I can hardly remember life before Jennifer. It’s like she was always a part of me, like I halfway expect to go back to the photos of me before we met and still see her with me somehow.
One of the reasons I am so serious about couples having regular sex – even “below average” sex, is that sex is one of the most potent ways to strenghten and maintain the pair bond you have together. Half the reason long distance relationships fail is that you can’t have sex with each other and maintain the chemistry exchange program together.
If you keep the sex level up to a decent rate, and keep being good to each other, you will likely experience crushes on each other periodically. Crushes are a biochemical reaction happening up in your brain and are most likely simply a set of neurochemicals designed as a Mate Replacement Program holding over from The Time Before Writing.
Of course if your wife hasn’t just been eaten by beasties and she’s in fact holding down a job as a CPA or something, having a random crush on the girl that serves you coffee at Dunkin Donuts (her tits are frakking amazing btw) isn’t actually something that’s going to work to your long term advantage if you act on it.
So be very wary of announcements of not feeling in love, or soulmates, or the classic ILYBINILWY… I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You. These things can be very temporary and erratic. The same thing can happen with suddenly feeling your heart skip a beat over someone new you just met. This stuff happens, it’s normal. You’re designed this way. (Oh crap I mean evolved, evolved this way)
When all is said and done, the entire concept of a soulmate is just a mental rationalization to justify taking action that someones Body Agenda is suggesting.
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