I think the theme for the week is going to be Fitness Tests and Displays of Higher Value…
Periodically women Fitness Test (aka Shit Test) men. This can be quite purposeful and conscious testing, or it can be extremely unconscious testing that just springs up from nowhere. Suddenly she just feels something negative and the man must do something to alter the way she feels to positive. Typically these tests start fairly small, but over time they can grow larger and more demanding. The obvious intervention here is for the man to jump up and comply with her request and that does appease her… at first.
The problem lies in that Fitness Testing is the social equivalent of a sonar ping to determine social status. In general those of lower social status defer to those of higher social status. Women are hypergamous in their sexual attraction, so they are seeking their mate to be higher social status rather than lower. So when the male suddenly jumps up and complies with her request and seeks to appease her, he is deferring to her and demonstrating lower social status relative to hers. So while her minor inconvenience for the moment is taken care of, she becomes less happy with him because she finds him less attractive.
I first really ran into Fitness Tests with my first serious girlfriend Mary. It started off small, first she was late… and I tolerated it. Then she was nagging… and I listened. Then something about me wasn’t quite right… and I changed it. Then she was really late… and I tolerated it more. Then we had to go to this horrible dance club… and I dragged myself there. Then we could do this and not that… I said ok. She nagged on and on and on and it just seemed to endlessly build.
In the end I simply wasn’t prepared for any of this. I stuck to my game plan of being nice and helpful and after three months of being slowly sliced up and kissed… I flipped out completely and just dumped her. Then I was very sad for about 18 months getting over her. For those kind readers who periodically ask where the hell I was twenty years ago with the info I have on the blog… well that’s where I was twenty years ago. Dumping my girlfriend in frustration and just bawling about it. A Kodak Moment…
Honestly if I knew everything back then that I know now, Mary and I might still be together. I think there was real love there on both sides, just she tested and I failed. In the end when I bumped back on her and stood my ground I did it way too hard and destroyed the relationship. Probably all I really needed to do early on is swat her on the ass a couple times and tell her to stop being a brat. Tease her back a little. In the aftermath she admitted she had been testing, testing purposely, but was to hurt too try again for fear of me nuking the relationship again. We both did wrong.
Of course that’s all the road not taken and I just hope life played out well for her anyway. No clue where she is these days. I did try hunting for her on Facebook a while back, but… well you try and find a single”Mary” among the millions, lotsa luck with that lol.
So anyway… some painful lessons back in the day. Fortunately I’ve since learned to give a few playful swats on the ass and tease back a little. That’s seriously about half the battle right there.
More to come on this.
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