This post is aimed mostly at readers that are religious believers and as a caveat to everyone reading I just wish to be clear that I am not religious myself and whatever your religion is… your religion frightens and confuses me.
When you reach for a higher authority to justify that you should be leading a relationship, the implication is that you don’t actually have the innate authority to lead the relationship. So when she hears “God says in the Bible that you have to submit to me”, the message she actually hears between the lines is “I’m not actually very dominant and I need to reach for the Big Guy on this one” and it’s perceived as a terribly lame attempt to control her.
It’s like you’re lobbing a softball at her to be batted out of the park as a Fitness Test. You’re actually Displaying Low Value the same way a little brother does to an older sister when he says “if you do that I’m gonna tell Mom“. She might comply for a while but the hating your guts part lasts longer.
So in general I advise avoiding focusing on those particular areas of scripture and just focus on learning to lead the relationship more. Don’t worry about forcing submission – it’s marriage not an MMA match – just start leading and trying to make things happen more frequently. If she is naturally less dominant than you she will start following along anyway. Just give it time and don’t reach for the shortcut as it tends to backfire on you.
If you want to do Bible Study together or something…. fine, go ahead, it’s a big book, just don’t ram the submission stuff down her throat. If she’s been in the church for more than a year she’ll absolutely know about those particular scriptures anyway. It’s all a red herring to try and get her to publicly agree with them to you. She doesn’t actually need to verbalize that she is submissive to be submissive and enjoy it. Plenty of wives broadly assert that they are not submissive at all, but if you give them a playful swat on the ass and tell them it’s bedtime they giggle and follow you in anyway. It’s often just a lot of talk.
And obviously if you are leading the relationship and having a more dominant / submissive interaction with each other, then there’s no need to tell her to do what she is already doing via scripture quotes.
And just for the record, I don’t think wives should submit to their husbands as a requirement. I just think for most women they want to be in a relationship with a man that evokes that desire to submit in them. That’s what all that talk about wanting “a strong man” is about. You know… all those billions of romance novels they wolf down every year. It’s really pretty obvious isn’t it.
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