Orgasm Self Control And Rough Sex

Dear Athol,

First of all, thank you for enriching my life with a terrific blog. I have been reading it daily for the last six months or so, and I greatly enjoy it. I am not married, but I still know wisdom when I see it. I reckon when I do get around to marriage, it will be better because of your wisdom. So thanks!

I’m writing about your recent article on rough sex (great pic, as usual). I hope I will be able to contribute a little something to the issue of endurance while roughing it, which would be my pleasure after you’ve contributed so much to my understanding of relationships. This is a forte of mine, and a subject on which many men have sought my advice. I won’t go on trying to qualify myself, because I think my four bits of advice will speak for themselves.

1) Practice makes permanent. (Only perfect practice makes perfect.) Every masturbation session is practice, whether you think of it that way or not. Rushing to beat off and get back to your day conditions your whole sexual apparatus to blow a quick load. Bad idea. I recommend keeping an eye on the clock (how many minutes is an individual judgment) to condition yourself for endurance.

2) Self control requires self awareness. From discussing this issue with many men, I gather that most men are not aware of their level of excitement until it’s too late. I advise them to think of their arousal on a 10-scale, where 6 is a usable erection and 10 is the point of no return. Try to stay at 7. If you get to 8, try to bring it back to 7. It feels better to be at 8, and even better to go to 9, but that’s playing with fire. First make sure she’s satisfied, then play around with 8 and 9 all you want.

The point of this framework is to develop awareness. Once that’s developed, you don’t really need to think in terms of numbers–you are just very aware of your level of arousal and thus have better control. But I think the numbers help at first.

3) The breath controls the body. Keeping an even and steady breath helps self control. Combining this with point 2) above is potent. Get to 9, and you might have to pause for a minute to get back to 7. But a retreat from 8 to 7 can be accomplished with deep breath and intense focus (point 4), even while keeping a vigorous pumping full pace.

4) Focus on something. Common advice includes baseball or finances, but I do not recommend this. From my experience, focusing on such unrelated things takes you out of the experience, which reduces your pleasure and hers (women are usually very empathically connected during sex, so she can tell if you’re not fully into it). It also interferes with your self awareness of your state of arousal, which is directly counterproductive to the goal here.

I have a very particular focus that most people won’t relate to, but put in general terms I would say duty. It is my duty, my mission, to satisfy the woman I am with completely. To make her come so hard, so many times, that she is left happily incapacitated. Focus on this mission does not take me out of the experience–obviously, it puts me right in it. But it’s not super arousing either, to think of it as a duty. If anything, it applies a stern introspection against too much arousal too soon. Personally, I find that this keeps me in the experience, allows me fully to enjoy my woman’s excitement, and keeps me from getting too aroused before it’s appropriate.

Visual focus can also make a big difference for us men. I recommend focusing on something nice that keeps you in the experience but doesn’t escalate your excitement too much. For example, her shoulder or her hair, but not her bouncing tits or ass. I mean, it’s awesome to look at all that stuff, but if you start escalating to 8 and 9 you need to look elsewhere.

This advice all pertains to rough sex. Obviously there’s another way to avoid orgasm–you slow down and make love to her instead of fucking her brains out. And women like being made love to, it’s true. But you won’t give a girl mind-blowing orgasms by making slow love to her (except, of course, insofar as making slow love to her primes her for a serious orgasm once you get vigorous).

This advice also all pertains to self control. Self control is obviously not enough all by itself–it is but one necessary ingredient. Callous pumping like a porn star won’t get girls off (Exhibit A to why I hate porn). Jerky hip movements like an average white guy won’t get many girls off either. There’s a reason that most girls never come from straight sex, and the reason is sure as hell not that they can’t. But self control is a bottle neck for a lot of people.

There it is–my self-control advice in a nutshell! I hope you find it useful, and you can of course post any or all of this if you like. Thanks again for your great work!

P.S. On the off chance you mention me, please substitute “Beau Nertaun” for my name! I’m in a conservative profession =)