Reader question…
Since I’ve been trying out some of your theories I’ve sometimes managed to get up to 3 times per week, but then I get zip the next and even the week after. I now start realizing this is due to her cycle. But what behaviour / attributes are attractive to her during these 2 week around menstruation?
Another thing is that in 99% of the times I’m taking the initiative. I have no problem doing so, but sometimes it feels like she is obliging me, she doesn’t get turned on enough and it hurts as a result. When I notice this I try focusing on her, but she seems to just wants to get it over with. Recently I just break off the attempt when I notice it. It’s probably a common enough problem, but it’d nice if she’d take the initiative sometimes.
I think I see the problem. But to make things better understood, let’s put on the helmet from the Predator that we just killed with our Alpha Male bare hands and switch the vision and hearing setting to “Female”. It’s the setting after the Thermal and Ultraviolet vision settings. I have no idea why there is a “Female” setting in Predator helmets, just trust me, it’s there.
So anyway, this is how a female would perceive that second paragraph….
Another thing is that in 99% of the times I’m taking the initiative. I have no problem doing so, but sometimes it feels like she is obliging me, she doesn’t get turned on enough and it hurts as a result. When I notice this I try focusing on her, but she seems to just wants to get it over with. Recently I just break off the attempt when I notice it. It’s probably a common enough problem, but it’d nice if she’d take the initiative sometimes.
Magically clear the problem becomes with the ”female” viewpoint. In simple behavioral terms, you are trying to gain compliance to a behavior, but you have an aversive consequence to the behavior. In short, she’s being actively trained to dislike sex with you.
Put this another way. Imagine if every time you got a blowjob, your wife gave you a low setting tazer shot to your balls. Pretty soon you would start not wanting to have any more blowjobs. She could ask you repeatedly if you wanted one and you’d be saying “I’m good on blowjobs, thanks very much. No really, I don’t even miss them.” Even if she got rid of the tazer and started offering tazer-less blowjobs, it would probably take you a while to get used to the idea of enjoying a blowjob.
The problem is usually one of simple lubrication. Doctors and nurses shove all sorts of contraptions up vaginas and while they can certainly feel weird, uncomfortable or cold (WARM THAT UP YOU BASTARD), they really should not hurt if they know what they are doing. Obviously if s-c-r-a-p-i-n-g is involved that’s not going to feel good at all, I’m talking vanilla insertion of fingers or equipment. I’ve had a few prostate exams over the years as well and to be honest despite the lack of foreplay have started to enjoy them.
So the basic solution is to make sure she is slippery enough for penetration. You have three basic options for getting her slippery; (1) her vaginal fluids, (2) saliva, (3) artificial lubricants.
Vaginal fluids are the best option here, but in some women they don’t get naturally wet until they are really turned on, and some don’t really lubricate naturally until they orgasm. So that can cause an impasse as they can’t get wet until they orgasm, and can’t orgasm until they are wet. So they say they are very tired and have got to get up early for work in the morning.
Saliva is fine as long as it is being consistently applied, it tends to dry out quickly. So you can give her oral sex just fine, but if you try the lick your fingers and go deal it’s going to be good for about 10 seconds and then that’s it. So one solution is to give her oral sex to orgasm and then she really should be pretty wet and ready for something more.
Artificial lubricants are getting really good. There are dozens to choose from and experiment with. Jennifer and I settled on KY-Liquid a while back, in part because it’s in every supermarket. The huge advantage of lube is that you can go from getting into bed together to her having an orgasm within 5-10 minutes. Most women don’t need to be wildly turned on to enjoy well lubricated fingers making circles on their clitoris, but if you do that long enough it starts to wildly turn them on. I tend not to do very much traditional foreplay, I just get her off as much as she likes.
The other advantage of lube is simple lack of chafing. A night of rough pounding does take it’s toll. A little lube may be the difference between her being ready for something tomorrow night, rather than three days later. And lets not forget the simple delights of the nights where she doesn’t want anything for herself, but doesn’t mind a little KY and me having my fun.
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