She’s Forty Minutes Late

I think part of the lateness thing on that night was you setting her up to fail. It seemed several times in the morning you repeatedly told her – reading between the lines – that “hey I don’t think you will be home on time or tell me what’s going on“. So you were reinforcing the expectation that she would be late and keep you out of the loop. Then you probably spent half the day slowly getting worked up about her likely being late. Then surprise!! she was late…

The better solution is just to say “I’m going to dinner at 7pm, you’re welcome to meet me there”. Though she can still show up late to that, in which case she should find you eating dinner happily at 740pm. A movie is great for a natural cut off where if late, she’s out of luck.  Another option is ordering in. If she’s 40 minutes late, the food is cold. Natural consequences for the win. In general though, you decide what you are going to do, and if she comes cool, if not, oh well.

Mostly you just don’t leave yourself at the mercy of her being late. If she throws a fit, just say calmly “you were late” as the answer to every argument she throws at you.